I’M A SACRILIGIOUS TIME BOMB!

As I sit in my chair, the TV on, TLW (The Little Woman) has the elevation to Cardinal of Timothy Dolan being televised into my den.

Now I’m not what you call very religious or holy, I just try to do whatever good works I can in practice and the chips fall where they may. All too often, my sense of what is about me, what is going on, gets me into a self shame for thinking that way.

Furinstance. I was sitting in a large room one night where I was asked to photograph some children. The coordinator was discussing a particular gospel about Jesus and a leper. According to the Gospel, Jesus heals a leper who thanks him for healing him. The coordinator then asks the little second graders what did Jesus say?

“What did Jesus say to the leper when the man thanked Jesus?” was the question.

Unfortunately because of what I thought was I was heading straight to hell for. What did I think Jesus said?

“That will be a $30 co-pay!"

I figure if I stay indoors the rest of my life, away from the windows, lightening can’t strike me.

There have been other run-ins with the church, especially one particular Sunday many years ago when I lived in Brooklyn. Mom took me to church every Sunday whether I needed it or not. One particular Sunday I decided that if I could keep the two nickels my father gave me every Sunday morning before he turned over and went back to sleep, I could get a box of white powdered donuts, they were the miniature kind. I went into my mother’s sewing kit and extracted two silver or metal looking buttons and took them to church, when both collections were taken up, each got a silver button, and I still had ten cents. What happened after that is another blog.

Then there was the time I got hell from a nun for taking pictures during a ceremony for something like a communion or confirmation or maybe a baptism.

Then there was a conversation with the Sister’s of Halifax, at TLW’s high school get-together. That conversation ended tragically and is another topic for a blog.

I think I get my inclination from dear old Dad, may he rest in peace. Once, when he was a young man, on a Sunday afternoon went to a candy store to buy the Sunday papers. As he reached for the paper who does he see but a friend of the family and the pastor of the church. The conversation went something like this:

“Good Morning Father!”

“Good morning, Anthony! How is your mother?”

“She’s fine Father.”

“Good, I didn’t see you at Mass this morning!”

“I went to 5:00 Mass this morning, Father.”

“And your father, is he good too?”

“Yes father.”

“And your brother and sisters, all well?”

“Yes Father.”

“Good! Splendid. Well I have to run now, I have a baptism this afternoon, and by the way Anthony, there is no 5:00 Mass on a Sunday morning.”

I STILL GOT IT!

The other night I had to go to the church to photograph the little darlings of the 2nd grade who are making their First Holy Communion. It is my job to create a poster with their class picture on it.

As I sat waiting for the last of the kiddies to show up, the teacher was talking about the 7 sacraments to her young charges. As a young pup myself in Our Lady of Lourdes in Brooklyn, I had to as a student learn the 7 sacraments.

Sitting listening to the teacher talk to seven year olds about the seven sacraments suddenly put me on the spot. I hadn’t thought about the subject since my last day in second or third grade! Did I know them? Would these little kids know more than I did about what I should have known most of my life?

I was afraid to test myself, so I had a little conversation with myself, I thought that if I don’t know them, I better stay for the rest of the class.

Well I started by thinking that maybe if I look at it from life experiences, maybe I wouldn’t have to stay for the class if I figured it out. One by one I thought: baptism, communion, confirmation, marriage, holy orders came to mind, extreme unction, I had six fingers and I couldn’t remember the seventh! Time was running out, how would I explain to the teacher I needed to stay for her class, and 39 year old man (It’s MY blog) needing a refresher course. Then it hit me, confession. Confession! Something I needed to go to, that was it! I could go home and watch Bowling for Dollars, I didn’t have to stay; I didn’t embarrass myself after all.

I guess I’m really saintly, if you overlook a few things.

THE GOOD AND THE BAD

I’ve had a conscience for over 40 years now, ever since I left that church in East Islip on my wedding day. Yes, TLW (The Little Woman) has made sure that I was up to date on all my religious responsibilities and kept the days holy.

Sometimes I think I married my mother, as TLW will make an announcement, followed by the look.

“It’s Lent!” (In other words: What are you doing to make yourself miserable?)

She observes Lent: all year long, making little half sandwiches with one piece of cheese and maybe a tiny bit of mustard or relish on some low fat bread made from sawdust for her lunch. I watch that and want to apologize for how I will make up for that!

We were talking about a pizza party we were planning the other night and she said: “OK, but its Lent, no pepperoni on the pizza!”

“NO pepperoni! How about half pepperoni and you don’t touch it? You know no one is twisting your arm to eat it!”

“Oh! Tell me about it, when I reach for a pepperoni piece, I get this look that asks ‘why are you doing that?’”

“That’s not true, it just seems so unholy, you reaching for pepperoni on your pizza, since you really don’t eat it and I order it for myself.”

To me Lent is just another rule that could be broken like eating meat on Friday. It is not a rule made by God, but by God, man will impose it. I remember those meatless Fridays fondly, that was when we ate pizza. Dad wasn’t religious, the only rules he tried to follow were those that were God made. I feel the same way: Don’t kill, don’t steal and don’t covet my neighbor’s wife, unless she has a chocolate cream pie with bananas on top. Now of course, we can eat meat on Friday. I don’t recall the heavens shaking my Earthly existence and some angel informing the Vatican that meatless Fridays are suspended. I remember when Mom had a bone to pick with one of us on Fridays: she made fish.

Mom had what her off spring called the “Point”, a look that suspended any smiling any of us were doing for a more focused, somber approach to her demands. It meant that she had the might and power of something far greater than the U.S. Government, even greater than God: she had a wooden spoon and was not afraid to use it!

So what am I giving up for lent?

Lent.

I’M CONFUSED

You know that already I’m sure, but this is something that has baffled me for a while.

You have all heard the arguments about same sex marriage. I’m heterosexual, and if I have to I can prove it, but I don’t understand what the issue is. I know that people want to protect the sanctity of marriage between two people: a man and a woman, and I understand that we should teach and set good examples to our children about what is morally right.

I look at same sex marriage and I think so what? My children needed to live their own lives, make their own decisions and understand what happiness is. I can’t successfully instill that because I can’t and won’t enforce that concept, impose that will or give them the life experiences that they will encounter. They need to find their own happiness.

But what is happiness? Is it being stuck with a façade that makes others happy but you love less? What is morally right? Do I make people deny who they are, force them into a life of closeted unhappiness, and pain? Am I morally right by doing that? Can I regulate to people how they should live their lives? Do I really have that right?

What about those that marry into what is perceived as heterosexual, but in their hearts and minds know that that is not what they want? They fear ridicule and rejection, yet betray someone who had faith in their love for an eternity. Is it fair to any children they produce? All because they need a job or place to live, or God forbid, want to interact with society?

Does same-sex marriage impose anything on me? I think not, but it does impose on others who wish to practice it the fact that love lives. Is there anything wrong with love?

We can argue that marriage is between a man and wife in love. Love is important as an ingredient for marriage, is it not?

Some of those who are against gay marriage are the same people that hate gays. THEY are trying to tell society what is morally right. Excuse me: if you are a proponent of hatred, then you suspend your right to preach anything in the name of morality. Demonizing one for an innate feeling, and how he/she would express it is the next step toward other discrimination, until we suddenly find it morally justifiable to kill them or imprison them, making us no better than the Nazi world that once existed.

Gays are living together right now as I write this. There is no less sunshine on me, not less rain. I still eat and sleep and love my wife. It hasn’t affected me in the least. Would I marry a man absolutely not, because I don’t find men attractive to live with in a marital relationship. But others do, so what?

What is love? According to: http://www.merriam-webster.com

a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests b : an assurance of affection
2
: warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion
3
a : the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration b (1) : a beloved person : darling —often used as a term of endearment (2) British —used as an informal term of address
4
a : unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another: as (1) : the fatherly concern of God for humankind (2) : brotherly concern for others b : a person's adoration of God
5
: a god or personification of love
6
: an amorous episode : love affair
7
: the sexual embrace : copulation

Nowhere does it mention between a man and a woman.

Definition of MARRIAGE
1
a (1) : the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law (2) : the state of being united to a person of the same sex in a relationship like that of a traditional marriage b : the mutual relation of married persons : wedlock c : the institution whereby individuals are joined in a marriage
2
: an act of marrying or the rite by which the married status is effected; especially : the wedding ceremony and attendant festivities or formalities
3
: an intimate or close union
See marriage defined for English-language learners »
See marriage defined for kids »
Examples of MARRIAGE
1.It was his second marriage.
2.They have a very happy marriage.
3.Her first two marriages ended in divorce.
4.She has old-fashioned ideas about marriage.
5.couples living together before marriage
6.Many friends and relatives were present at their marriage.
7.a priest who has performed many marriages
8.a marriage of sweet and spicy flavors
9.a marriage of science and art
10.a marriage between form and function
Origin of MARRIAGE
Middle English mariage, from Anglo-French, from marier to marry
First Known Use: 14th century
Related to MARRIAGE
Synonyms: conjugality, connubiality, match, matrimony, wedlock

You can define the act of marriage, because it is something we do, but we can’t regulate it because it is something we do.

I hear the protesters, the anti-gay marriage people saying they won't accept same sex marriage, I say it is not yours to accept, but theirs.

Can’t we just live our own lives in peace and quiet?

GETTING OLD

Last Sunday morning at the diner where I treat TLW (The Little Woman) to breakfast, the conversation turned to old age and my Aunt Marie, who is 91 and lives in God’s Waiting Room, Boca Raton, Florida.

Now                                Then

When I was struggling through college, with her good graces, I stayed with her for a while, until I graduated. When she was a little girl in Brooklyn, my grandmother would put the radio on in the morning, and in those days, the first thing that played on the station was the National Anthem. My poor grandmother was raising 3 little girls at the time, and Aunt Marie was the youngest. When the Anthem played, she made my grandmother rise and place her hand over her heart!

A beautiful piece of work!

She was filled with observations and advice, which she still gives out to me on occasion. For instance, she used to tell me when she had an issue with one of her two sons: “Joe, don’t get married, and if you do, don’t have kids, and if you do, drown them.” Every now and then she winds up in a hospital because she has one ailment or another, and when I call her she tells me, and I give this advice to you dear reader, also. She says to me: “Joe, don’t get old!” Good advice, no?

The conversation went onward toward my Mother, and how she along with her baby sister still live in their homes, fiercely independent and alone. My mom has a boy toy, but he goes home at night. Mom should be using a walker, but won’t. Her body is starting to give and she refuses to use the cane she has because: “Only old people use that thing!”

2 sisters sitting through thick and thin

Then the conversation centered around TLW and me, and how we are feeling our age. “Oh, I woke up this morning because of the aches and pains of arthritis, once I did I couldn’t go back to sleep again!” she said.

Often when an ache or pain occurs, I often wonder if I’m alive in 20 years hence, will it be worse, and what else will I have? Worst still, will TLW be able to take care of me, and what about her? What if she needs care, will I be able to care for her. I came to the conclusion that if a nursing home is where I need to go, I would not resist it. After all, once you get over the fact that it is the last stop, it isn’t too bad. No yard work, no house work, no shoveling or raking, three squares a day, you can freely fart and no one can smell anymore, hear any more if I cuss, and I can spend as much time in the toilet as I like, it can be a library/toilet to multi-task! Hell, that will make me busier than I am now!

Both my Mom and my Aunt hated their real first names. Aunt Marie was Christened Marietta, but uses Marie, and that is how she is known, that is by everyone but me. Every year I send her a Christmas card mailed to Marietta, and every year she threatens to kill me.

NO NEWT IS GOOD NEWT?

Dr. Strange Glove

It was that time again, my 3 month checkup with Dr. Strange Glove. I checked the news polls and Newt Gingrich was lagging behind, and I would hear about it. As I sat in the examining room, he pops in and starts off right away.

“Well, I’d rather have a man for President that cheats on his wife and does good for the country than one that doesn’t and screws everything up.” He’s pulling out a needle to extract MY blood.)

“Uh huh!” With an acknowledging smile, needles can hurt when used vengefully.

“As you reap, so shall thee sow!”

Newt

“Uh huh!” With an acknowledging smile, needles can hurt when used vengefully. “Wait a minute Doctor, can you say that, that’s New Testament material, you’re Jewish!”

“All they want to do is Obama care!” as we continue this conversation in his office. Telling people who they should go to, it will put a lot of doctor’s out of business, especially us older doctors.” He’s not THAT old, about my age. OK, maybe he is.

“It will make the insurance companies emboldened and who knows what else!”

It was at this point that I wanted to mention lawyers, but he was pissed off enough to chew through his stethoscope.

Endorsed by the BYOB Party!

I don’t want to get into politics here: that is not what this about, except when it touches my day. I like to vote for the man, not the party, and think some people like my sons think I’m a red neck conservative, with a gun. Both parties offer me ideas I can agree with, and refuse to register with a party affiliation.

I'll need more endorsements

If this keeps up I’ll run for President, won’t get more than one vote, but will at least have voted my conscience.

My platform: “Hey, you gotta eat!” OR “You’ve voted for the rest, now vote for the best!” That last one I like, kind of reminds me of a pizza box slogan.

If I have a political party-it will be the BYOB party!

VALENTINES DAY

As we get older, the more we spend time with each other, the more we seem to take for granted. I guess that is true in most cases, we lose the infatuation and are pretty well finished with discovering all about each other, and a certain complacency, adjustment and eternal love builds. I probably don’t say it as much as I used to, but “I love you” most certainly is understood.

 

A peaceful quiet and understanding pervades, and I can’t imagine her not being there anymore, she lives with the bad habits, embraces those that are good for all our time together, as I  face the reality that someday it might not be there any more, so let me love it for every moment!

You try to understand those that may have lost their significant other, or those who are alone with no Valentine and I am grateful for one more time.

One of her more quiet moments!

Yesterday was Valentines Day, and like for the past 40 years, we spent together, just the love of my life and me. It wasn’t loud; we each went about our daily business like any other day. I had a romantic dinner with candles and soft music, a cocktail and wine ready when she returned home from the Wanna-Be-Bank & Truss Company. I guess tomorrow being together means 'I love you'.

No kitchen, we have a large dinning room, and I decided to take the end of the table just for her and me. I guess that made a statement about who this was all about, this Valentines Day. Some special china, Waterford stem ware, and off I went to a market to purchase two portions of eggplant parmigan, her favorite, some shrimp cocktail and a whole lot of love with a little something gift wrapped on her plate.

But what keeps us going is we share all our misery, as well as our triumphs. There is no ‘me’ in marriage, just like there is no ‘me’ in friendship. In both cases you should be giving only, the consequence is receiving love, a beautiful thing.

I hope you all have someone special like I do, I hope you enjoyed your Valentine’s Day yesterday, and if you were lonely or without someone special, take heart, there is always tomorrow, or come on over and I’ll give you hug.

Marriage Wakeup As Barb was getting to know David and his family, she was very impressed by how much his parents loved each other. "They're so thoughtful," Barb said.  "Why, your dad even brings your mom a cup of hot coffee in bed every morning." After a time, Barb and David were engaged, and then married.  On the way from the wedding to the reception, Barb again remarked on David's loving parents, and even the coffee in bed. "Tell me," she said, "does it run in the family?" "It sure does," replied David.  "And I take after my mom."