Saturday, April 07, 2007

MECHANICAL MONSTERS

Today I decided to get some cheese for my lunch, since I come from a long line of cheesy people. Besides, what could be better with salami than a provolone cheese?

I make my selection from the low fat cheeses and went to pay for it when I notice this express checkout that you do yourself. There is a lady standing by that will slap you silly if you screw it up, or try to cheat somehow.

Approaching the machine with some intimidation, I hit the first button on the screen that said; “Start here”, and so I did. The machine now starts to talk to me, and figured this might be fun if the language is clean.

“Scan you purchase then place in the bag.”

Fumbling, I look for the scanner then the bar code, finally finding the bar code and now worried that I took too long to find it.

“Insert money into receptacle and take your change and record of transaction.”

I try a ten-dollar bill but the machine refuses to take my money! Is this for free I wonder.

I try a five I have and the machine sucks it up so fast that I was worried I would not get my hand away in time.

I search high and low for the record of transaction, looking desperately before the lady comes over to help. I want to be able to look modern technology in the automated eyes and say; “I can lick you.” Finally I find the darn thing and take it away.
Proud of myself I leave the store and as I leave I’m thinking: “No one to shoot the breeze with, nothing about the nice day we are having, or that I should have a nice day, with just cold indifference to end my transaction with the friendly folks at Waldbaums.

Wonderful, I hate small talk.

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