Saturday, March 13, 2010

YA GOTTA HAVE HEART


Went to the heart specialist, or cardiologist, to see if my heart still beats. Turns out, the doctor is not sure. He is a new doctor, my old one retired. The old one looked like he could use a good meal. The veins in his head were sticking out the last time I saw him. He is so skinny, I feel bad for him. Anyway, he retired, hopefully to go eat something.

My new cardiologist is a nice guy, young, enthusiastic and not experienced. Someone took him in by the hand and left him with me in the examining room. At first I thought he was lost, but the stethoscope gave it away. He seemed to have a lot on the ball, and all his hair. You would think young and hair would make me hate him, but hey, we all have to make a living.

As Jack Lemon asked Walter Mathau in a rehearsal after Mathau feel off a slide and was on his back: “Are you comfortable?” Mathau answered: “It’s a living.”

So he is a doctor.

Apparently, the young doctor doesn’t believe my old doctor! He told me I’m spending three days in April to do some comprehensive tests. By the time you read this, I will be pushing up daisies (It will be spring), and they will wonder if they should have made my appointment sooner.

There are tests I never heard of: and TLW (The Little Woman) my medical advisor (Also dietician, banker and boss) hasn’t heard of them either!

Along with a nuclear stress test, there will be a: Halter, a PVR, Abdominal Ultrasound, a Carotid Duplex Ultrasonography and an echocardiagram! Frankly, I don't look too good in a halter!

This is fancy medical talk for three days of starvation, and waiting.

I don’t know why they would want to save my life? I mean, save it for what?

6 comments:

Jim Pantaleno said...

Not completely sure of this but I think I had a Carotid Duplex Ultrasonography done on my car's transmission. If they strap you to a rack, get a new doctor.

Joseph Del Broccolo said...

What about that oil change?

Anonymous said...

The parts they originally fixed your heart with weren't made by Toyota, were they?
SS-I-L

Seriously, he is a young, new doctor and he probably wants to start collecting frequent flyer points for ordering tests that no one can pronounce.

Laura ESL Teacher said...

Well, I'm not a doctor but I do play one part time. The Halter and the echocardiogram are fairly routine; the others sound like an attempt to rule out any possible cardiac illness, an approach I happen to like. `But the person who wrote above is probably right about ordering tests for nothing...and we need to save your life, what will I ready everyday?

Laura ESL Teacher said...

Well, I'm not a doctor but I do play one part time. The Halter and the echocardiogram are fairly routine; the others sound like an attempt to rule out any possible cardiac illness, an approach I happen to like. `But the person who wrote above is probably right about ordering tests for nothing...and we need to save your life, what will I ready everyday?

Anonymous said...

Gee, hmmmm, let me think ... why save your life, ah easy one Joe .... people love you believe it or not!


Jan/PCH