OLDER THAN… WELL, OLD!

As we planned for the wedding last month, TLW (The Little Woman) made her customary announcements, one of which was: “You know you have to wear black socks for the wedding?”

Being a Mets fan, my intelligence comes into question from time to time, but still this news stunned me. Looking into her eyes I said:

“What do you mean?”

“The wedding, you need black socks for the wedding, you know that, right?”

“Well of course I do, I’ll go out and buy a new pair.”

“WITH ALL THOSE SOCKS IN THE DRAWER!”

“Well, I haven’t bought new socks in years, well before I retired. Most of them are so old that they are thread bare and see through!”

“SO WHY DON’T YOU THROW THEM OUT?”

“Who goes into my sock drawer anymore. I only go into it if I want to hide those green spearmints I like.”

“Why don’t you go through your drawers every once and a while and throw things out?”

“Well, you know me, I like to use white socks, they are comfortable, and no big deal, I like white socks. No choosing, no worry about conflicts, white goes with everything, it’s the new black! After all, I have kept some things a long time and haven’t gotten rid of them. YOU’VE been around for over 40 years, you’re still around.”

“You mean you don’t have a pair of matching black socks that you could wear to the wedding?”

“Well, I don’t have a pair, and about the black socks, nothing matches anymore, some are longer than others, some are a little threadbare, some are blacker than others. What would happen if I get run over by the trolley we ordered to transport everybody from the reception hall to the church? Mom always wanted me to have clean underwear, so I assume she meant socks too.”

“You’ re too much!”

“OK, you go upstairs and see what you can do, I give up.”

“OK, I’ll get you a new pair when I go out.”

“Good, and get me a new pair of black socks, too.”

“What?”