Every now and then I get the courage up to call my mother.
Mom is called Olympia, and I just wanted to call her, after all, when someone is 93, they get cranky if you don’t call them!
“HELLO-MA? MA, IT’S ME!”
“Who’s this? Is that you Joseph?”
“Yes, Ma, how ya doin?”
“I’m doing just fine, how is everybody?”
“Oh, we’re fine, TLW (The Little Woman) got arrested for shop-lifting again, Michael robbed a 7-Eleven, and I mugged a priest for the collection money.”
“That’s nice give them my love.”
“Wait Ma, how is it going, how is your health?”
“Wealth? What wealth?”
“How is your hearing?”
“I’m wearing casual like I always do, I don’t get out anymore.”
“YOUR HEALTH-HOW IS YOUR HEALTH?”
“What do you mean??”
You seeing the doctor, do you go for check-ups?”
“Listen, don’t get so smart, you’re not too old or too big to get hit with a wooden spoon! Is your sister telling you to call me? I can take care of myself. I don’t need anyone checking up on me. Besides I have Henry, he takes me everywhere I need to go.” (Her 87 year old boy toy), so tell your sister not to worry, I’m completely independent. I don’t need help or watching over. By the way, can you take me to a doctors appointment next Thursday, Henry has to go to one himself.”