Tuesday, October 30, 2012

GOOGLE THROWS OPEN DOORS TO ITS TOP-SECRET DATA CENTER


You’ve all heard by now about Google’s opening up their top-secret data center. With its miles of wires and loads of data, it is the data cloud of the world, all-powerful and all knowing, a scary place indeed.

I’ve always been impressed with that kind of thing. When I was in Washington D.C. last, I visited the FBI building and wondered how many sets of MY fingerprints they have, how many photos and any records of mine they may have filed. However, there are scarier places than the FBI or CIA or even the KGB, let alone Google!


My wife’s pocketbook.

That’s right: TLW (The Little Woman’s) pocketbook scares me. I have never been in it and often from a distance marvel at the way she may extract information from it, documents, phone numbers and special equipment. She on occasion will change bags, and does that with a hired sentry at the basement door standing guard while she transfers the thousands of documents and records she has!

OK I exaggerate, maybe not thousands anymore, she does clean out on occasion.

There has to be a full line of cosmetics in there that date back to 1971, including Youth Dew, her favorite perfume at the time, an old extra Valium she used to slip in my coffee right before I purposed to her, plus her list of promises I made in a fit of passion and all my mistakes, listed in date of occurrence, and cross-referenced by an alphabetical listing. Including in the files are the things she says I didn’t listen to her about, the things I should do and don’t and the list, her favorite, of the things I should have thrown out, going back to 1963 and still wear.
 
One night I went downstairs for an aspirin (a lot of married men do that), and passed her pocket book. Suddenly, in the dark, I heard a whirling sound and realized it was a motion detector that activated her pocketbook camera (infra red, heat detecting) all in her pocketbook!

But if she ever decided to open up the bag to the public, it will be like one of those little circus cars where about 20 clowns climb out, the amount of material will be staggering!

You are probably wondering by now why I wrote this, well in all honesty, I had nothing better to do. Just ask TLW.

But don’t go near her pocketbook!

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