SHOPPING 101

The other day I decided to go to the supermarket and get a few things. It seems that going to the supermarket to get a few things would be routine, but that seems to never be the case anymore. As they say: “The NEW routine.”

As I enter, by the exit door is this lady standing in front of a group of ladies and small children. The lady seemed to be lecturing the group of about 10 ladies and 10 small children. I noticed but didn't think much of it.

Then I went on my hunt for chicken and found what I wanted and headed to the checkout via the canned goods aisle for seafood, and decided I wanted some canned clams for a white sauce and spaghetti. As I cruise down the aisle, there in front of me is this group of young woman and these little kids again!

I try to concentrate on my clams but the group stops right in front of the clams! This is starting to get on my nerves, after all, she could have stopped further up the aisle and I would have been on my way, but no, with her big smile and the rapt attention of the little tykes, I decide not to interrupt, however there is a single lady standing at the end with her arms folded. I ask:

“Is this some kind of tour group?”

She chuckles and says: “No.” She then leans into me and says it is a classroom field trip for slow learning kids.

Don't know who she is, but she's hot!

I go off and come back for the clams and head for the checkout. I get on line and deposit my stuff on the conveyor and packing is this normal teenager, who has a lady with him. The kid doesn’t look enthused about being there and the lady with him is helping him pack my groceries. He is screwing it up and the plastic container of grape tomatoes has come open, spilling all over the place! The lady looks at the kid like she would like to kill him: and the thought has entered my mind too. On top of that, after they gather up the tomatoes and place them in the container, they then place the container into a plastic bag, ripping a hole where the tomatoes spill out once again!

I ask the lady if he is part of a workshop and she says no, so I ask if she is a job coach, and she says she is with the school system training this kid to pack a shopping bag and work at this supermarket! I think: “How nice!” Then it hits me: “TRAINING HIM TO PACK A SHOPPING BAG!”

How do you train someone to pack a shopping bag at that age? How soft are we? Now when I was his age, I worked two jobs, one of which was Hills Supermarket on East Main Street in Patchogue. Do you know what my instruction was for doing that very same job! “Pack” That was it, no training, no introduction, no lady standing next to me. I just figured it out, boy what a genius I must have been!

And so ladies and gentlemen, as I head off into the sunset, and down below the Dew line and maybe the water table, will read a tombstone.

Here lies Joe DelBloggolo, boy could he pack it in!