TODAY WE REMEMBER

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Today is ‘Worldwide Candlelighting Day’. It is a day for the bereaved parents of the world to join together in their grief to remember their child who has passed on. It is a day that at a certain hour on this day a simultaneous remembrance across the globe, whether you are white, black or Asian, Democrat, Republican or communist, be it American or Chinese join together in peace.

It is an important day for parents and siblings to bring to life their departed ones, to rekindle their spirit and never let them die. It is a day for those of us who do remember to never let ourselves die too. There is no death that day on that moment, only unity in spirit and in fellowship as we remember the departed child.

Joseph, 1979-1981

Having lost a child I don’t think there is a day that doesn’t go by that there isn’t a gentle reminder, a moment of reflection, and an occasional tear shed. You know some of us can carry on and say what is: is, and some of us carry on and say why did it happen? All of us know that no one else unless they have lost a child can experience the hurt, the lost and the coldness that comes with that realization.

 

But we do know that burying a child is only permanent when we let it be, that we don’t bury our love, nor do we bury the memories, both the good and bad. I think as a father of a child how hard it was for me, knowing the hopelessness of watching my little family when that day came, how there was nothing but the tears, the idea that a child was torn from his mother, or a brother lost.

People have the mistaken belief that you can get over it, or that God only gives you what you can handle. I find none of that true, nor do I find it consoling. Sure time will help you scare, maybe scab, but you don’t heal, and surely it is not something anyone can really handle.

So what do you say to someone who has just lost a child, or mourns for one for many years? I guess there is nothing you can say, but there is something you can do, you can stand by silently, say nothing but be there. It is all any of us can do. Telling people they should cry and let it all out is after the fact: that is going on both inwardly and outwardly. 

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But this day is so important because not all of us can handle the pain, the grief and sorrow without someone to help us through it all, especially while it is still fresh in our hearts.

Broken hearts don’t bleed: they tear.