Thursday, July 04, 2013

4Th OF JULY

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What was Thomas Jefferson's favorite dessert?
Monti jello!

What did King George think of the American colonists?
He thought they were revolting!

Why were the early American settlers like ants?
Because they lived in colonies.

What did George Washington say to his army at Valley Forge?
"Sorry, men. The flights to Florida are all booked up!"


What would you get if you crossed the American national bird with Snoopy?
A bald beagle!

What would you get if you crossed a colonial hairpiece with a teepee?
A powdered wigwam!


What's red, white, blue, and green?
A patriotic pickle!

What did the visitor say as he left the Statue of Liberty?
"Keep in torch!"


What's big, cracked, and carries your luggage?
The Liberty Bellhop!

What ghost haunted King George III?
The spirit of '76!

Did you hear about the cartoonist in the Continental Army?
He was a Yankee doodler!

What would you get if you crossed a monster with Yankee Doodle?
Yankee Doofus!


What's red, white, blue and green?
A seasick Uncle Sam!


I am truly sorry for the above, but I read them and felt if I did then you should too.

The fourth is not one of my favorite times of the year. Many years ago when I was in college, I had to photograph all the parades my two little sisters were in. One was a clarinet player and one was a baton twirler.  It was the price I had to pay for a 35 mm camera my parents bought me.

Since then I got married and now I hate and I mean hate the racket the fireworks make in my neighborhood. It usually starts around July 1st and goes on until at least the 4th. The noise until at least 11 pm on the 4th I find annoying, unless it is I that is setting them off.

I know we are celebrating our independence from England and the monarchy, but picnics, parades and early in the day celebrations are better. Watching the explosions in the dark skies wear thin after a half hour.

So have a great day today. Eat hot dogs, hamburgers and ribs,  a steak wouldn’t be unpatriotic either. Corn on the cob, a refreshing salad and ice cream would be grand as well as a patriotic song or two. BUT TONE DOWN THOSE FIGGIN FIREWORKS OR I’M CALLING THE COPS!

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