WHEN ANGELS CRY

You know the saddest things in life are those you can’t control. I can often get mad at myself for something insignificant and mundane, because I screwed it up: then have to stop and realize, shame on me.

Working for people with disabilities, children and adults, young teens and senior citizens, watching them struggle to walk, to place a drinking cup to their mouths, to watch as they try to talk, seeing the frustration that overcomes them, makes me wonder why I get so uptight. I have a daughter who has all those struggles, who battles daily in her day, all day, to live and have some joy in her life, and doesn’t even have the capacity to question why her, with all the people in this world, why her?

When I see her, I often see all my frustrations come to a head, and feel this uncontrollable need to help right the wrongs of life. It is when I truly question the existence of God, to debate with myself why I need to understand the uncontrollable circumstance that defeats Ellen and me. The difference is she doesn’t know there even is a battle, while my wounds are internal, mostly to the mind and heart: I fight for both of us.

But the biggest sadness I know is when a small child is suddenly the subject of prayers, when the angels cry. I have a newly born niece named Emmila. Emma was born only weeks ago, is now fighting for her future. I received this email a few days ago from my nephew David:

UPDATE: As many of you are aware, our little Emilia is currently admitted at St. Mary’s (Palm Beach Children’s) with bacterial meningitis and RSV. We dodged a major bullet in that we brought her in to the ER with symptoms of RSV and when they did the spinal tap they found the meningitis. It was caught very early and her prognosis is excellent. Many of our friends have medical backgrounds and understand what would have of happened had this not been caught. Full recovery will be a long road, but it is going to start with a minimum of 21 days here @ SMMC. Emilia is receiving some of the best pediatric care in the state of FL from the amazing RN’s, Dr’s and other staff here, for which we are forever grateful. Our great friend and neighbor Sharon Owen has volunteered to help organize meals and things of the sort for the next few weeks. As so many of you have graciously offered to help, please message her if you still want to do so. Our little Emilia (I call her Emma) is one hell of a little fighter for such a little girl, and she will pull through this just fine. Thanks to everyone for their thoughts, texts, calls and everything else. Special thanks to Dr. Kelly Clements for taking my panicked call and being a true lifelong friend and giving us great advice.
Love,
Dave, Kim, Dax and Emma

I guess you can say the good news is (if you consider this ‘Good News’) is she will not remember all this when it is over!

David and Kim are really good parents who devoted to their children. Kim’s struggle with her pregnancy is of heroic proportions, giving what is know as a mother’s love for her child, even before that child is born. I won’t go into the details here, but believe me, it was sacrifice and courage for her child! David is a great dad: his life is dedicated to helping others, as a member of a fire rescue team in Florida, and as a RN. He doesn’t need this kind of heartache, neither do Kim or Emilia, or for that matter Emilia’s big brother Dax.

In today’s modern age, there is so much more immediate moral support, from friends and strangers too, as well as family. In my day of crises, when my wife and I struggled with my daughter and later my son, we did it in a much more colder world, one of isolation and fear. It had a profound effect on my oldest son, and it caused deep-rooted emotional trauma for all of us. I hated seeing my wife and son suffer with the realities of the day, and feared for their happiness. Hopefully they are in good shape, and don’t carry a burden of self-imposed guilt or punishment on themselves. Thank God today is different, we are all better informed, and the social network is a big lift at times, even though the fear and pain, the agony of waiting for results is not lessened for Kim and David.

Pray for the little girl, Emilia is tough, she is fighting, her little family hangs on and we all have a great deal of hope.