Writing this blogue everyday, it is meant to be but a diary
to some degree about my life experiences, memories and a record of events in
the world as they transpired. January 28 is one of these days that hold deep
and lasting memories for me, significance beyond the ordinary.
I look out the window, and all I see is snow that covers the
grounds, sits on tree branches and over the roofs of buildings. Smoke from fired
chimneys curling high into the sky, only remind me of the cold facts that are. It
gives me a feeling of cold reality that I face today. Mom is losing her
physical freedom, condemned because she is almost 96, and her body can’t keep
up with her mind. That is not all I it gives me, it gives me a deep and lasting
reminder of what was and what could have been.
It was 33 years ago, that I crossed the cemetery and walked
the snowy path toward my little son’s grave, on a cold snow covered day, and
said one last goodbye to his physical being. I don’t remember more that the
bright sun, the iciness and the fact that I couldn’t see much, because it is
hard to see through tear-filled eyes. I remember making tracks in the icy
snow-covered ground, the crunching of the snow as I stepped toward the crowd
that gathered around the resting place. I remember holding my wife and seeing
the faces that shrouded themselves in the solemnity of the moment.
One life has had so much: a youth, marriage, children, great
and grand children: days of laughter and of good times and bad… life. Yet the
other life had nothing but illness and death, and this is what I compare on
this day.
And so today I make a comparison of the two lives, one for
an old life that holds truths, memories and one life that had so little time. I
wonder why that must be so, I wonder why some of us live and some of us don’t.
Then I remember what I have always told myself: that one hundred years from
now, no one individual will either care or wish to remember. That is the
greater part of life, not to dwell on what was but to move forward to what will
be.
1 comment:
The weather sure doesn't help. That's a given but right now you have
alot on your plate, Joe, and I understand since it seems like only yesterday I was in your shoes regarding your mom. I fortunately can never understand a loss of a child but I can only say I sympathize.
I will continue my prayers for your mom and your son but soon you will have a grandchild to make you smile again.
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