With mom in the rehab facility permanently, I have been
living two lives, Mom’s and my own. Everyday I go to check the house, and pay
her bills, then drive to the rehab center and visit with her. Most of the visit
consists of my sitting across from her while she sleeps. This whole process of
a day makes me nuts, and I leave after a while and feel guilty as I do.
Then I have my own life, which is getting short changed and
put on hold while I attend to mom. Luckily my older sister Tessie (much older)
is there pretty much everyday at the rehab center also, and that helps. But
lately I noticed something is happening to me I don’t like.
It seems that I am always in a hurry to do something,
discuss an issue and in this state I am impatient with everything and everyone.
I suspect everybody else is too with me. Someone talks to me and I don’t want
to hear the minute details if I heard then once already, give me the facts and
quickly please. That is a bad attitude. Then as I drive to and from mom’s and
stop for a light, or wait for traffic, I get a little annoyed and once again:
impatient.
I have been trying very hard NOT to bring this attitude home
to TLW (The Little Woman) who has been nothing but stellar in her patience with
my bad mood and complaining, whining attitude. But the questions from her
become hard to answer as I know the answers and she should know them too, even
though she doesn’t. I’m being impossible.
However, since I’ve been living moms life, I decided to do
something: I’ve given myself full
amnesty for all the ills, pain and anger I caused my mother as a child, all is
forgiven!
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