DISCIPLINE

An astronaut’s poem to his mom:

The countdown has begun oh mom

The firing time draws near,

The hollering through the intercom

Reminds of you dear.

Remember how you predicted and then…

10… 9… 8… 7… 6… 5… 4… 3… 2… 1…

Oh failure mother,

You were right again!

I used to write poems to my mother when I was young, and now I write them to TLW (The Little Woman), and I guess that I could just go out and buy a card sign it and call it a day. Being an artist and a sometime poet, I have to write a poem and design and create a card. Mom got them, and now TLW.

When I worked, I made cards by hand for people I liked for their birthday or special occasions, and even created a bogus law firm that would send people letters with wishes in them for a birthday or holiday. They all started out with:

“Dear …, This is to inform you that my client, Joe Del Bloggolo ain’t no bum!” Then I would finish the letter about what it took for my so-called ‘lawyer’ to write this letter and best wishes. I always got a chuckle from it and it was fun to do.

Mom was the disciplinarian in the house, and usually backed everything up with her many wooden spoons, all made of solid oak, all meant for either my food or my head. When she became unreasonable and wanted to punish me, out came the wooden spoon and on her horse she would chase me around the dinning room table. After a while I would ask her if she was getting tired, she would say ‘Yes” and we would sit for a spell, her on one end of the table, arms folded and the spoon in one hand eying me and me on the other. I’d ask ‘Are you ready” and she would continue the hunt. If she didn’t catch up with me, and I got away, I knew I had to go back at some point , so I would draw her a picture in crayons and leave it on the table, vowing my love and obedience ‘from here on in’. Mom would become disarmed and then say: ‘yeah sure’, and things were back to normal until the next crime, usually the next day.

I learned early on how to deal with mom and her wooden spoon, as long as I could evade the punishment, combine art and sentiment and she would be won over. I don’t take it to that extreme with TLW, just happy occasions and hope I can gain some points.