MUSINGS IN THE AIR.

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As a frequent flyer lately, I have begun to take mental notes about the art of flying. The habits of people and the things they do simply astound me to some degree. Of course if you know me, you know my opinions are usually worthless and of no value, so I will of course pass them on to you.

For instance, the people that pay all that extra money to the robber barons who run the airlines, or should I say the flying robber barons? They board first, get to sit up front and have more leg room and more seat room for their butts, all for a price. You get on and think, hmmmm… they are flying first class, yet they don’t look so first class. Maybe what is needed in first class is the look of distinction and importance. I think the men should be wearing a tux and the women formal gowns, that is first

class.

Did you ever notice when boarding a plane they have zones: zone one and zone 2 and of course what I call:’spaced out.” These are the morons that have seating assignments yet must rush the airline clerk at the entrance checking the tickets. I could tell them that if you are the first on the plane, the seat is still the same as if you got on last. AND, you will arrive at the same time!

One of my favorite things to watch are the people as they board the plane in that long hallway they make you go through. They sat for two hours in the waiting area, talking to their cell phones, and once the boarding process starts, they start to take things out of their luggage, transferring it and as they do, they hold up the whole process.

Getting in the plane has proved exciting, especially when people start to franticly look for empty overhead bins to put their carry-on luggage. Not only do they look scared, desperate and totally worried, they hold up the line some more. In their panic they slam the compartment doors shut more than once, once to close it, once because the bag is not fitting, once because a strap is hanging out and once with emphasis because they are stupid.

They it never fails, I get on a cramped plane and the seating is meant for the flight of undernourished runners, not normal fat people, and what does Jimmy sitting in front of me always do? Jimmy pushes his headrest back, taking away vital breathing room, causing me to suck air out of the overhead air duct. You know how those taste?

Why oh why do they bother with the beverage cart? It seems everyone wants to look cool with a water bottle in one hand, a cell phone in another and their carry on in still another. All for the flight attendant to struggle with a heavy metal cart, pouring drinks like  a waitress while taking orders from a dumb-ass who should be flying in baggage compartment #2. Oh, I forgot, they do it to serve a ½ ounce bag of peanuts,