LIFE IS GOOD…

And so am I!

I tell you my friend, if I get me mad long enough I will find a way.

The appliances and I are barely on speaking terms. We have a tolerable relationship and they do their thing and I do mine. They win sometimes and sometimes I win, even if I have to hire someone to do it for me. Case in point:

this ain't it

My upstairs toilet has been pissing me off for a few months now. (Everything is in context here) I replaced the key for a new one and even changed the insides, a complete toiletry hysterectomy if you will. But, for some unknown reason, the toilet key never sat right, flushed well, having to hold the key for a longer than necessary or normal time. Besides that, a small running or ripple of water was occurring. This annoyed me because I like to read in silence.

So for months it never flushed well, and being I was so busy with Mom, I kept telling myself I needed to do something about it. I was feeling the shame of my wife looking at me and thinking: He’s not smart or handy enough anymore, what a loser!

I have one photo wallet size

Well, today I got mad enough and got out my toolbox and marched upstairs, angrier than a politician being honest. I placed the tools down and ripped off the cover and peered inside, an anger growing slowly, and finally building up to the point that I reached for a tool and began! At this point I had two options: one was to dismantle the key or: go downstairs and take a nap to think about it. I held my ground and began to dismantle.

Of course, when they construct these things, they make them so if you have fingers wider than a pencil, or arthritic joints, you should contort in pain and invent new curse words, I mean, who ever heard of a wing nut with an ancestry? I generally like to save my profanities for the morons that cut me off on the road or don’t pay attention to what they are doing while driving! I decided to reach into my bag of silent curses and lay them upon the screw, the arm and the chain that needs to be adjusted just right. Often I have had silent one-sided debates with things. Learning to keep your mouth shut comes from the art of marriage.

There is only one way to fix a key correctly, and that is to adjust things through trial and error, that means doing and undoing until you get it right. After three tries of changing the arm for the chain, testing the rubber gasket and fiddling with the key, I GOT IT RIGHT!

To all you unwashed novices out there: never let your chain hang loose too tightly, give it some slack, enough to get that floater up and sitting on the surface of the water! Then stand back, and hit that key baby! WHOOSH! Down it goes in a glorious second of time, poo-poops, paper and any constipated memories.

Now I can walk along the rooms of my retirement, a smile on my face and a lilt in my step, knowing I am not a loser anymore!