Monday, September 15, 2014


I took down the tree in my front yard and suddenly I am finally happy with my lawn. Yes, that is what it takes to make me happy, well that and a good pork chop with a donut maybe.

But why would it make me happy? Well imagine how you would feel if some old lady walking by asks: “Is that how your mother raised you, with a crappy lawn?” Of course, little kids on their bicycles would run over it and I’d yell; “HEY! KEEP OFF THE LAWN!” They’d yell back: “Where???” Smart asses all.

The old Oak tree used to keep the sun from shinning on the lawn, keeping it from growing the way it should. After hurricane Sandy, I noticed how high it sat and that I could see the roots popping out from below the surface, plus the fact that my neighbor had a similar tree in a similar spot fall on his house.

So I went out after the tree came down and ordered some top soil, rich, black and enough to cover a major league ballpark, spread it all over the front of the house where the lawn should be but instead sits saw dust and chips with sand. Then I spread the lawn with fertilizer and seed and stood back.

Nothing happened.

I was watering twice everyday and still…

Nothing happened.

Then one morning, the front looked like it was molding, and I decided I’d take mold, so I continued to water twice a day, hoping the mold would fool everyone, including the little old ladies. It did, it fooled me. It was grass!

Today, as I stare out at the lawn, people go by and don’t notice the green, the lush and thick grass that is bursting forth, because it looks like grass! Yes, I could have used the word graze, but I didn’t want to scare the grass, but some of my neighbors have noticed. “Hey! What’s that green stuff in front of the house???” Or, that little old lady goes by now and sticks her tongue out at me as she passes and yells: “Smart ass, think you’re a real farmer, huh?” And the kids on their bikes? They now yell: “Oh yeah, NOW I see it!” 

It’s good in America!

Address: 1231 Taft Hwy, Signal Mountain, TN 37377
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