Sunday, February 22, 2015

I GO UNDER COVERED!


Today is my baby girl's 18th birthday. I’m so glad that this is my last child support payment! Month after month, year after year, all those payments!

So I call my baby girl Kyla, to come to my house, and when she got there, I said, "Kyla, I want you to take this check over to your mother’s house and tell her this is the last check she will ever be getting from me, and I want you to come back and tell me the 'expression on your mother's face."

So, Kyla took the check over to her momma, and I was anxious to hear what she had to say, and the expression on her face.

Kyla walked through the door, and I said, "Now what did your mother say about that?"

She said to tell you that "you aren't my daddy" ...and to watch the expression on your face.

Some things are best left unsaid.

It was a cold and freezing night, suddenly a shot rang out… oops, wrong story!

TLW's blanket
One night last week while we were trying to survive another night of Artic air while in bed, I decided to get an extra blanket for myself, saw TLW (The Little Woman) and decided to split the blanket between us, being how it was long enough to do so. The blanket, a hand knitted beauty of green and white wool well woven for maximum comfort was a pleasure over our regular regime of weather blanketry.

In the morning I came downstairs to find TLW in her usual spot and sat in mine. “How did you sleep last night?” she asked.

“Great! That blanket was really perfect for the job, wasn’t it?”

“Yes it was!”

“My mother knitted that for me a while ago.”

That night we experienced another cold night and so once again I got the blanket out and shared it with TLW, As she lay there watching the TV and I was reading, a sudden poking of my arm began, leading me to believe that either she thought she was a hypodermic needle or she wanted my attention desperately!

Alarmed I looked at her and she immediately went into over-drive: “I MADE THIS BLANKET, I KNITTED IT!”

It suddenly came back to me that she was right, I was thinking of another blanket my mother knitted for me that was just as warm and almost the same design and color, except Mom’s blanket had a red stripe added to it.

Mom's blanket
Apologizing profusely (something I do with great regularity to her) I told her how mistaken I was and yes she did indeed make the blanket, and even though she did, it did not take away from the fact that the blanket WAS so comfortable. Then in great shame, I closed my eyes and waited for either a pillow over my face or maybe a knife in my ribs, which either one would be deserving.

Sorry dear!
The next morning I come down and once again return to yesterdays topic, the blanket!

“You know” she says: “I was laying there last night and realized I made this blanket, not your mother!”

“Yes dear you did, and I felt so bad I forgot!” I usually end these kind of statements with “So shoot me.” But I realized I was ahead of the game, and I really don’t know what she carries around with her all day.





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DO YOU WATCH THE BIG BANG THEORY?
You should, you'd be well covered!


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