DelBloggolo: JUST AN ORDINARY JOE

Friday, February 20, 2015

JUST AN ORDINARY JOE

Q: What does it mean when the flag is at half-mast at the post office?
A: They're hiring.

I’ve discovered that I am ordinary, and will become even more so as time goes on, but ordinarily I don’t complain.

The other day I was in the supermarket looking for soap. Ordinary everyday hand soap: a simple bar of soap. I was looking for something specific, Ivory Soap.

I just want to be clean

Why Ivory Soap, because it has no scent in it, no perfume or any kind of additives, just plain ordinary soap a man’s kind of soap. Aside from the fact that they didn’t carry it, the soap section was hidden under a large display of men’s scented soaps on the shelf, in bottles and was called lotions and body moisturizers and other sissy things. Someone at Stop & Shop is put in charge of getting hold of my shopping list and putting things in impossible places to find anything as I enter the store, this is their job. If I wanted perfumed soaps, I would wear a dress, it just isn’t my style. I have a suspicion one or both of my sons use the fancy stuff, but I’m from the old generation, they didn’t have that stuff when I was young. Men’s toiletries to me are the men’s room with more than one urinal for God’s sake!

But I’m like that in food too. Take yogurt, I like it if it is only the plain kind. I don’t like fruit in my

The way it should be.

yogurt; it makes me suspicious that I’m not getting the benefits of yogurt without sugar. If it isn’t plain or vanilla, I don’t want it. Fancy flavors are usually artificial and don’t usually have the real stuff in it.

My clothing is another way that I am not fussy. I don’t like style on my shoes; I like a plain round toe for the shoe, no layers, fancy things or patterns. Plain and ordinary, that’s me. Socks: white unless I dress to go out, then a solid color. I could just see it in a few years: men who already wear earrings, dresses and fancy shoes being confused whether they should sit or stand in the men’s room!

Now that's shoe!

My suits, shirts and jackets, all basic styling, nothing cute or fancy, no alligators or fancy designs, I like basic colors and nothing else. I sound pretty boring, no? Ties are something else, TLW (The Little Woman) picks those out for me because when she does, and I get many complements.

I can’t stand designer gimmicks like labels on the outside of a garment or underwear that should be in a porno flick. FUBU? What the hell are they thinking??? FUBU indeed, I’ll FUBU you!

I’m a one kind of bourbon man only: Jack Daniels. Don’t try to pass anything else by me, and if you do I’ll send it back! Had a restaurant owner try that a few times, he had to go down to his basement and get me a bottle from another case, because he was trying to pawn off Wild Turkey, don’t even try.

being in touch with their softer side

There is nothing like seltzer water. A little lime or lemon in it and I am a happy camper, Most brands try artificial flavors, they don’t hold and they don’t taste right, and I don’t like them. Why poison something good with something bad?

Besides all the above, what happened to the idea of dressing up once in a while. I fell into the very trap of men’s attitudes today when I was going to a funeral. I was going to wear jeans, when TLW stopped me and I realized she was right! What the Hell is happening to this world and me?