Tuesday, April 07, 2015

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN AND CHILDREN OF ALL AGES


One day while jogging, a middle-aged man noticed a tennis ball lying by the side of the walk.

Being fairly new and in good condition, he picked the ball up, put it in his pocket and proceeded on his way.

Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful blond standing next to him smiling.

"What do you have in your pocket” she asked.

"Tennis ball?" the man said smiling back.

"Wow," said the blond looking upset. "That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was unbearable!"

OK, enough of bad jokes this morning, I have a real joke to tell you.

The other day as I was working out, I wandered over to the treadmill and got on. Now I don’t like to get next to someone who is on the treadmill when I get on, and so look for isolated treadmills. This way no one can compare how slow I am, and the fact that I walk and not run. You see these young people get on and they run from Monday thru Thursday, go home for a snack and get back on from Thursday thru Sunday for brunch and church.

Me, I just like to do what is best for my body, not that it will help.

Well as I was cruising along at 3.2 and wondering if jumping off a cliff would be an easier way to end it all, when this young person, a young lady to be exact hops onto the treadmill next to me. I think, why here, with all the equipment we have at Retro Torture she could find another treadmill.


So I put my head down and continue to walk self-consciously, suddenly I don’t see her anymore, and where is she? SHE’S AT THE END OF HER TREADMILL, WALKING BACKWARDS! WHO walks backwards on a treadmill??? I mean you are not going anywhere to begin with but looking at a blank wall going backwards reminds you that you are not going anywhere! If she was on the last car of a train looking out the back door, I could understand her, seeing where she has been, kind of viewing live history in a way but the wall is blank: the TV sets are in the other direction!

OK, this is not as bad as it gets, now she returns to a walking position and does so for a short while, when suddenly, she is going sideways, waving her arms as she does, facing away from me. I think WOW! this is better because she at least has a better view! Back to the forward way when suddenly, she hops sideways again, facing me! “Oh no, here we go again!” I think. I am really feeling self-conscious and want to just end it right there. It occurs to me that what I need now is a tux with a top hat and a whip to host this event.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, Ms. Musclelegs will now attempt a double rotation while somersaulting high into the air landing on the treadmill and running upside down! Please don’t try this at home!”


I guess I’m not made for workout competition with anyone else but me. I walked away and went home, hey, I got my 20 minutes of walking in anyway!






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DO YOU WATCH THE BIG BANG THEORY?
You should, but its a tough act to follow!












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