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Friday, October 09, 2015

OPERATING A WATER FAUCET


As I said, Dad was a terrible traveler, everything got in his way, including me.

One morning I awake and see my brother-in-law in the kitchen having a cup of coffee. We start laughing about Dad on the Ferry and something that happened the night before, which I will get to tomorrow.

The kitchen is rather old-fashioned and antiquated, that is except the faucet, which has a state of the art lever on the sink, no knobs, you just lean the lever one way or the other and you get hot or cold water.

On the table is a sugar bowl, without any sugar in it sitting, waiting for Dad.

In comes Dad from an interesting sleep. We are laughing at him and he is not particularly amused, but we are.

He sits down and lights a cigarette, and my brother-in-law says to him: “Dad, I don’t think the people who rented us the place want any smoking in the house!”

“OOOOOUUUU!!!” Says Dad, as only he can say it, and begins to grind out the cigarette in the sugar bowl!

Mom comes walking through the door and sees him as he is in the midst of the grind and yells: “ANTHONY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THAT SUGAR BOWL!!!!????”

“OOOOOUUUU!!!” Says Dad once again.

By now both my brother-in-law and myself are uncontrollably laughing, holding our stomachs and almost crying, and I’m getting a headache from it all.

“Come on, what’s so funny?” says Dad annoyed.

Mom suggests: “Anthony, you better clean that sugar bowl!”

Dad jumps and runs to the sink with the bowl, and stops in his tracks.

“What the Hell is this?” he says.

Me: “It’s the faucet.”

He touches it but nothing happens.

“How’s it work?” he intones.

Me: “You have to turn it in a circle, the lever, turn it in a circle.

He turns it and nothing happens.

Me: “Faster!”

He’s going at it full speed, nothing is happening.

Me: “NO! The OTHER WAY!”

He turns it the other way, fast and still, no water.

My mother in disgust gets up and takes the sugar bowl form him and turns on the tap and cleans the bowl. My brother-in-law and me are at the point where we can’t even breathe anymore.

Mom is smiling and Dad has this sheepish look on his face.

Mom: “Anthony, do you want a cup of coffee?”

“Yes, but keep it away from those two.

TOMORROW: WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?

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