Friday, February 19, 2016


Every year there are events that occur that are scheduled, and when I go to them, it seems like I just did them recently. My life is filled with dreaded events, usually involving doctors, or tests that doctors order, or in this case today, my Toyota dealership and repair center in Smithtown.

The dealership is good, they operate under the assumption that they will take my money, will make me wait and will annoy me to no end. But the car does get fixed.

There is the issue of arriving, I come in 2 minutes early, at 6:58am: they open at 7:00 am. I bid them ‘Good morning’ they tell me to go take a seat, they don’t open until 7:00 am. This makes a lot of sense since this prolongs my having to come back for another check up of the car for at least 2 minutes more when it is due again!

In my left ear is a TV, which is so loud that I just knew what was on when I pulled up and was still in the parking lot. This noise will gnaw at me until I leave, and I will be happy when I am finally gone.

There is the wait. The kiss of death is when the service guy says it will be a 45-minute job, but I know it will be closer to 12 noon. They are so good at what they do they find hidden things that need fixing that aren’t even in cars yet!

A happy dealership is a rich dealership, and they feel the same way, just ask me. Most of my visits the estimated cost is $85, with add on such as hidden problems, a few “Maybe you should take care of this one before it gets worst” and the usual “found such and such so we took care of it” and the bill comes out to $1,100!

But Toyota is not the only re-occurrence that takes me for a joy ride, there is always my Cardiologist, the effervescent Dr. Havaheart, young and handsome who has an affinity for testing me with all kinds of the latest equipment there is. Even if he has to send me to China for a test. These tests usually require my not eating for at least 6 hours prior to the test, no medications so when they take my blood pressure they can say: “Your blood pressure is a little high!” I wonder why???

Of course there is the interminable wait to be taken next with the worst pronunciation on my last name possible in front of a room full of strangers, all wondering if the last name is German, Italian or a disease.

I love my eye doctor: Dr. Seymore, a man for all occasions and only one suit, the one he wears all day long. It is a dusty blue two-piece number, and with his dour face matches perfectly. His assistant will put drops in my eyes; ask some questions and leave, after recording my responses. Then Doctor Guilt comes in. Doctor Guilt looks unctuous, self-important and detached.
Dr. Seemore
 He is an expert with people who have diabetes, and thinks he is treating my diabetes, not checking my eyes. A long time ago he asked me what my A1C number was, and I didn’t even know what the Hell he was talking about. This led to a long lecture about knowing my A1C number, and how I have to keep it low. Six months later I went back to him and he asked me the same question. This time I was ready for him, and said 6.0. Well, he was so happy, and said what a wonderful job I was doing and I should keep it up; “You should be PROUD of yourself! So every time I go to see him now, I lie, he’s happy and I’m happy. I vary the number each time to ‘keep it honest’ so to speak. My Primary Care Physician Dr. Strangeglove keeps track of those things and doesn’t want me to get crazy about anything, he will tell me when I need to know something. But I love to hear the praise.

Speaking of which: Dr. Strangeglove loves to see me every three months for a blood tests. This is preventive health care. So I go to visit him, he like the IRS is good at it. We sit in his office after having gone through the ritual, and I nudge him into a discussion of health care cost and the rising insurance rates, and he threatens me with the idea he should retire and get out of the business. This is fun because it takes him away from finding something to yell about.

So you see the ins and outs of my life, the way I must plod ahead, managing the scenarios in my mind and then executing them properly.


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