ITS TIME FOR THE HOME!

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Dear GOD!

Today is not a good day for me. I got up this morning feeling optimistic that nothing would hurt, but you know how that went. When my feet touched the ground, the rest of my body was still prone on the bed, causing me to wonder where this sudden pain was coming from.

Hoping to go to the gym, my back went out without me, it does that a lot, it even has more friends than I do. So instead of the gym, it was the medicine cabinet. Funny, I’m getting to know all the pills I take by shape and color but not what they are for, it is breakfast after all!

Me when I was younger!

The Mrs. asked me to go to the Handy Pantry convenience store and buy eggs and bread. As I left the store and was walking toward my car, I realized I bought milk, not bread! This troubles me, since I have three quarters of a gallon at home already. When I returned to the store, the young lady working there said to me: “Weren’t you just here before?!” I answered her in kind: “The question lady is HOW MANY TIMES BEFORE!”

I don’t get along with my I-phone, my TV and my I-pad, my dishwasher hates me and refuses sometimes to wash, just gives me errors on the control panel.

My kids still ask for “Mom” when they call, and: “Where’s Mom when they visit. My mirror even refuses to acknowledge I’m in there!

If I meet someone for the first time and am introduced, I try a little trick, associate their name to something so I can remember their name. Trouble only comes when I try to remember their name but can’t recall what the trick word is.

So Lord, I was thinking… maybe it is time for the home? You know, that place where you get bed sores from neglect and you are forgotten that you have an existence? If they starve me that would be fine, since I am a little overweight anyway. If left alone, nothing could go wrong, I could just sit in front of a TV and watch all the other residents fall asleep in their wheel chairs. I could even learn to predict who falls asleep first.

I would like a home with a lot of windows, so I can look out to see if anyone is coming, then feign sleep when they arrive. A lot of pretty nurses wouldn’t hurt either, as long as they are young, I don’t plan on running off with them, mainly because I forgot why.

Well that is all for today, you know how to find me.

Joe