Friday, October 07, 2016


It is a large dark room, the only light coming from the red exit lights that line the back wall and the grayish light from the screen in front of you. It houses three huge treadmills among other equipment, the latest thing in advanced technology for running yourself into the ground. There are so many buttons to push for the various programs that one can find, one fears if you push the wrong button, somehow you will be jettisoned into orbit around the moon.

Usually, because I am old, I need a tiny flashlight that I carry with me to read the different buttons and properly program the treadmill to my wants and needs. However, this one morning I forgot the light and went into this ‘workout movie theater' to do some walking on the treadmill. The machine asks many questions such as the type of workout, e.g. Cardio, Fat burning, running, etc. Then it enquires about length, weight, age and mother's last name, balance in your check book and mother-in-law's attitude. In this array of buttons, there is one that states: "Quick Start" that makes you hit it and no questions asked and sends you on the ride of your life! There are no buttons for ‘ambulance'
‘ambulance’ or “Help, I wet my pants!!!”.

Being how I didn't have the little light with me, I struggled to read the different buttons in the little light there was, and as I started to set up, suddenly from my right was this hand then an arm that reached over from the treadmill next to me and hit the quick start button! This young lady, probably in fear that the old guy wasn't living through the workout or perhaps even the rest of the day, decided she knew what was best for me, totally screwing up the program, as I galloped off to nowhere at the speed of sound. Struggling at great speed while trying to keep my balance, the programming is so screwed-up that I go from Cardio to weight and back to running like hell, and after a few minutes of this I am ready to tell her off, but she left the building long ago!


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