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Monday, May 08, 2017

A CARB-U-ATE-ER

Since my A1C numbers are up, now hovering at 8, the business of lowering it begins. If you are unfamiliar with the A1C tally, it is the number that indicates how much sugar is in your blood. Normal is at 6, but me, I'm sweeter. You'd think the doctor would be happy he has a sweet patient, but no, the sourpuss put the thumbs down on me.

So, what does this mean? It means that I am preparing to starve to death, giving up everything I like to eat for a cause that seems lost.

Now TLW (The Little Woman) has gotten into the act and her job is as assistant to the doctor, A word on the doctor: my doctor (Dr. Strangeglove) retired in December, my new doctor, Dr. Stickyfinger, has taken over for him. Young and skinny, (I hate him) he has taken on the monumental task of saving me, for what I don't know. He looks like a giant hand in a latex glove, and dispenses meds to me, in prescription and sample form. I take so many pills, that in the morning when I take most of them, I have trouble standing up from a chair, I have to hold on to jack myself up because of the weight of all the meds.

All this sadness translates into not being able to enjoy eating. Pasta, pizza, potatoes, rice are all verboten as they say at the local schnitzel house. TLW has pointed out that 1 cup of pasta is OK on occasion. I usually get that much on my first of many fork-fills! I asked about Rigatoni since they are so fat. That translates into 4 Rigatoni noodles, UNCOOKED! No red meats unless they are lean (no taste) things like olives and breathing.

However, I have a plan for the rigatoni, I will get a measuring cup and stand up the noodles on their ends, therefore packing in more noodles, cholesterol my friend is a growing pain in the ass.

How about snack foods and deli meats you ask? Glad, you did. I can't eat pretzels, potato chips and popcorn, or, OH MY GOD, SALAMI! because that has added complications, salt, which means high blood pressure my friend, to go with my sugar content.

I have a plan. I will commit hari-kari, not by the normal methods, but by eating a pasta meal with cheeses, sausages, a rib eye steak, medium and little red potatoes on the side and topped off with a nice cold one or two.

Maybe I'll start off with some chips.

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