DelBloggolo

Sunday, February 18, 2018

IF SHE LIVED SHE'D BE ALIVE TODAY!


Grandma &  JoeJoe


The Street Where She Lived
Grandma Frances had a birthday every January until she died in 1991 at the age of 97! If she had taken better care of herself, she would have lived longer! But no, she insisted on eating red meats, spicy cheeses, and hard salami, wine and often got emotional. At least she didn't smoke.


Until the day she died, she was a nutritionist's nightmare, a living testimony to bad habits.


As a young teenager, I went with Dad into Brooklyn one Saturday to have his taxes made out by a friend of the family. It was tax time, and he decided to visit "Grandma", as we called her after having his income scrutinized by this friend of the family. Arriving at Grandma's house on Fulton Street, we parked the car along the curb and almost under the shadow of the el, stepping over the grating for the IND line that ran under the street, the noise saying: ‘Grandma'. By then there was deterioration of the old neighborhood occurring, so in some ways, it was a sad visit.


Grandma was all excited to see us, in her floral apron and black dress (rehearsing for when she would become a widow) and immediately grabbed my two cheeks (surrounding my nose) and with her index and middle finger, squeezed until I dropped to my knees, where she then made us stay for dinner, even though she had eaten!


Racing down her long hallway that ran adjacent to the railroad flat rooms of the bottom floor, she threw a couple of steaks in a wire holder, dropping then over an open flame on a gas stove in her basement, or cellar as we called it. As cellars went, this one was well-stocked with supplies for a nuclear attack, wine, canned tomato sauce, a refrigerator, sink, pickled eggplant and peppers and of course, various holy pictures that adorned the crude concrete texture of the footprint of the building. The smell of the meat cooking was overpowering my ability to reason, let alone my ability to speak, as my saliva activated at an uncontrollable flow, spraying instead of saying! When she returned, she took out a crusty loaf of Italian bread, some hard salami, and a hard cheese with a gallon of wine, to try to control my salivation problems.


The time it takes to say salad, she had the homemade wine, bread, cheese, and salami along with the best salad ever made, from Grandpa's homemade wine vinegar. A tasty vinegar that always made a simple salad a treat!


Grandma knew how to live, and was very generous.


Often when Dad announced the coming of grandma for a visit, once we calmed Mom down, we anticipated her stately arrival. Something like Queen Victoria arriving at the royal palace, she came usually with an entourage of aunts who, like Grandma expected to eat. To further this expectation which was greater than Hemingway's, she brought along with her cheeses, salami, and a gallon each of wine and wine vinegar, Italian bread (The countryside didn't make Italian bread like Brooklyn) roasted peppers and sometimes canned string beans. With all she did bring, she would preside center table and dispense in Italian, words of wisdom as I sat in awe of her.


As she ate she would look at me and say:


"Joe-joe, you too skinny, mangia! Why you no eater a more?"


Meanwhile, Dad was trying to remember all the hiding places the food was because all I did was eat! I tried to convey this to grandma in a diplomatic way, but Dad was within arm and earshot. And so, when her visit was over, we all respectfully escorted her to the door, with endless kissing of aunts and ladies in waiting, cheeks getting another workout and grandma's: "Joe-joe, you too skinny, mangia! Why you no eater a more?"


I miss those days, the times spent with that generation were magical, someday I will tell you about Grandpa, a man for all seasons and jobs that Grandma assigned him.



Saturday, February 17, 2018

THE NEW NORMAL


I once thought that this blog would be free of political content. A place to come to and find something other than the drama that plays out every day in our media. But there is one issue that needs to be addressed, it comes to innocent people being slaughtered needlessly by criminally insane individuals going in the guise of Congress.

The fact that assault guns are in the hands of people other than military, makes the statement that years of inactivity, unwillingness to address this issue on the floors of Congress, points out to the fact that the criminally insane are those politicians who support guns as a so-called 2nd Amendment right.

The 2nd Amendment was written so that the common folk could defend themselves against tyranny by the government or foreign power, which was an uncertain entity by those who governed. The states still had sway on the population and the Federal government was still growing in power. The idea was to form a militia of ordinary citizens to prevent over-powering by the Federal government and that needed be: the state militia could defend itself. This fact through the years has been construed as the right of individual citizens arming themselves and then it turning into people owning arsenals of weapons. This concept holds a present and immediate danger to all citizens of the US by enabling those who wish to create harm and havoc on society.

The biggest culprits are the Republican-controlled Congress. Whether you are a Republican or Democrat, you know what we have now is not working, it is now at the desperation point and we must act.

I have a granddaughter who I want to have her live her life in safety, not in the crosshairs of a gun. I want her and her classmates to go to school, learn and enjoy her future, not have to cower in fear.

Speaking of cowering in fear, it seems that the Republican party is doing just that, unwilling to address the real culprit of all this mayhem, the National Rifle Association. The NRA represents money-makers who are intended to allow the slaughter under the 2nd Amendment. What they really are doing is protecting a profit base and lobby that will sacrifice our children for the sake of a buck! Shame on them and us for allowing it.

Throw the NRA the hell out of the lobby business. Make it a law that accepting money by politicians from organizations like the NRA is punishable by jail and disbarment along with the impeachment and trial for accepting those supports.

Friday, February 16, 2018

READING THE PAST

It is amazing how quickly time flies! Things I thought happened just a few years ago, when I look back I realize happened over ten years ago! How does that happen?

There are little incidents that stick out in my mind and when I recall them to my wife, Ellen, she reminds me that they happened years ago. That makes me realize I better not look at any photos from the past and then into the mirror, I will be shocked.

My high school reunion was almost 9 years ago, yet it seems like just last year. Am I living life too fast? Am I cruising the years in a souped-up state of mind?

Recently on Facebook, I was looking at celebrities from the past, photos comparing them as I remember them and how they look today. Hard to believe that they changed so much, and just how much did I change in this period of time?

As I write this, I have just finished reading old blogs of mine that date back to '07, and it is stunning that what is mentioned seems like yesterday. The blog has helped me to chronicle events that occurred in a systematic recording on a timeline that doesn't lie, you can't argue with and reminds you that you are getting old.

I visited a friend of the family this morning, to wish her farewell as she has moved to a new position that will take her out of sight and mind once she leaves tomorrow. She was reminiscing about when she came to her job and how long ago it was, with the look of incredulity that froze her face as she looked at the imaginary timeline.

Let's stop and smell the roses.

Thursday, February 15, 2018

PARKLAND, FLORIDA

And so, it goes… another gun incident with at least 20 to 50 children injured. This is in the name of the insane idea that the Second Amendment gives the shooter the right to bear arms.

This is on those that feel it is an imposition of their so-called Constitutional rights to bear arms. Each and every one who supports this lie, this affront to the rights of people to safely live their lives, is responsible. They are abetting in this horror, they put the right to have a gun above the right to live.

I frankly am tired of this nonsense. We need to re-examine the interpretation of the original intent of the Second Amendment for a militia, not that a person can bear arms.

Thank you, Mr. Trump! You first need to be responsible, then all those who support you. Blood is on your hands as long as you allow the NRA to make money. This is nothing to do with gun ownership or constitutional rights, it is about making money. It uses the simple-minded people who wrap themselves in the flag and buy into the hatred, prejudice and idiotic self-righteousness of making America Great Again!

How many more children do we kill? How many more fathers won't come home to their children? How many innocent babies die from random shootings? As I write this, at least 17 people are dead. Thank you, Mr. Trump.

I deliberately chose FOX News to listen to this horror, they above all the media are responsible for this encouraging the myth of the Second Amendment, they support Trump and they are followed by those who support Trump.

Trump will give some BS to cover himself, FOX will probably ignor4e their part in this, and we will all wait for the next shooting, and there certainly will be another, as long as we have the right to carry firearms.

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

AH, LOVE!

AH, LOVE!

Love happens all year long, yet I don't get too excited about it. I see the ads and listen to the TV or read the papers and they all remind me, February 14th is Valentine's Day. Amateur Day in America. Make sure you tell your spouse with a card or gift that you love her/him today!

To me, every day is a love day, and I am a lucky man to have such a wonderful wife. I am comfortable with her every day of my married life, no need to send cards, get excited or fall off the planet.

Sharing our lives is a big job, love is a big job, we need to constantly make sure that we do our best, give it 100%. It is too important to slouch or lose focus on what marriage is. It is about the other person, and your commitment to love and respect, support and make easy your spouse part of the marriage joyful.

We will have a special dinner, not go out with the crowds, I won't spend an obscene amount of money for flowers that price is jacked-up for something that will die in a few days. I don't need anything in any form as a gift, she gives me a gift all year long, her devotion and honesty, love and consideration, what else do I need?
Happy Valentines day!

Tuesday, February 13, 2018

EVERY NOW AND THEN

Every now and then I sit with my wife at the dinner table and I take a deep breath, as deep as my wife Ellen's. We talked about a lot of things, but the prevalent conversation always returns to the same subject, our children and life experiences.

It seems that we did not live the perfect life, that we had to struggle to make our children happy. There was no perfection when we took our daughter with developmental disabilities to public places. People would stare at us, look with disdain at my daughter and their children learned well from their parents, looking at my child like she was an unwanted freak.

We were branded by events such as a child of ours died. That meant that we were poison, we were branded, that we had a stigma, a dead child and one we mourn every day who lives in a group home, you know where the little yellow bus comes for.

We have dealt with depressions, death, and disabilities, but each of us never held all the cards, no, we shared them. My wife held all the emotional cards, the love and understanding of our little girl and I held all the decision cards, what I needed to do and where I would go with this.

But in the end, if you look at life as a journey, one of triumph and disappointment, then we had the perfect situation, we had each other.

Monday, February 12, 2018

THAT'S THE LAST STRAW

As I sat with TLW (The Little Woman) over breakfast at our favorite diner, and while the waitress brought us water with straws that she gently tossed on our table, TLW asked me if I had heard of the new straw law being pressured by California.

The law being introduced this month if passed would make giving a straw to a customer in a restaurant a new crime. The penalty would be incurred on the individual waiter who violates the law:

"Under Calderon's law, a waiter who serves a drink with an unrequested straw in it would face up to 6 months in jail and a fine of up to $1,000."

Some are already pushing back on this claim stating that the fine and jail time would apply to the restaurant as an entity, not the waiter.

This bill would prohibit a food facility, where food is consumed in a restaurant from providing single-use plastic straws to consumers unless requested by the consumer.

I'm sorry, but this is stupid. Not so much that there are penalties but the out of bounds severity of those penalties.

Say for instance you work as a waiter or waitress and arrive late for work one day, due to traffic congestion and the LA traffic nightmares. Your boss reams you out in front of your co-workers or even customers, embarrassing you.

Humiliated, you plot revenge. You get your first table and immediately place an unrequested straw on the customer's table. Then you quit, who pays for this indiscretion, the boss or owner of the place?

If we are to govern ourselves, we need to govern our actions first and balance law with the consequences of what the penalty should be appropriate. But California is not the only government going nuts, Scotland of all places has a similar code to make Scotland the only plastic straw-free country in the world. Granted California should get its independence, and I'm sure the British are thinking so should Scotland.



Sunday, February 11, 2018

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE



It's all the rage!

Road rage… leads to violence.

What's going on here?
 
The ‘Me-2' movement is now reaching a righteous logic, for the decency, we need to show to women. It seems that things have gone so far off track that it is depressing me. I think of all the women in the past who were domestically abused in their lives and I wonder how many more cases there are that haven't been reported?

Years ago, when immigrants from Europe settled in America, there were families that felt the wrath of abusive husbands and fathers and sometimes even wives. It seemed to be an acceptable way of living that was tolerated because ‘he' was the breadwinner.

In its many forms including economic, emotional, physical, religious, and sexual abuse, can result in disfigurement or death. Unfortunately, it is a global phenomenon that fixates on most women. It is mankind's tragedy. Let's face it, it is a fault of men's that sometimes is learned and emulated in later years by young men with their wives.

Thank God for the ‘Me 2' movement, we start by respecting women, then move forward from there. Any man who has this tendency needs to be re-educated to what is acceptable normal behavior towards women.

Not only women need to be protected these days, but old people, and children as well. The days of uncivility should have gone away years ago, with the ending of the stone age.

If you take a look at it a little closer, it isn't always evil that drives these matters, like I said the acceptance of such behavior is sometimes learned. I remember many instances where my parents would discuss someone who was a wife-beater, or an abused wife who had to watch her step for fear of beatings from her husband or significant other, be it heterosexual or homosexual relationships.

The problem in my eyes is that women are growing in so many beneficial ways for mankind, and may have been ahead of men in the emotional sense from the dawn of man. Men who think with the idea of muscle controls fear the loss of their power to control so they use their muscle.  Women are finally grabbing some of the power and protecting themselves through the courts and social media.

Having come from a home of four sisters and my mother's guiding hand, it is abhorrent to think they would ever be abused, nor would the idea of hitting my wife or children is equally unacceptable. Likewise, I expect my sons to follow that line of emotion thinking, my daughter-in-law and granddaughter are precious to me, and although I understand neither son is like that, and it gives me comfort, they must always keep in mind that respect for women is most important.

Often, I wonder just how wonderfully calming the World at large would be right now if it was run by women. Am I a feminist? I don't think so, just a realist. Maybe we could all take a hard look at the realities as they exist, with the numerous wars and corruption that have occurred in a man's world.


Saturday, February 10, 2018

OH, THE PAIN!

--> I usually get my medications from Aetna Home Delivery in my mailbox. One medication I suspect they are screwing me with. I always run out of it before I should. The doctor puts in the prescriptions on time and they have clearly indicated on the return the dosage.

So, of course, there is a master plan that should work and doesn't. To the last possible day do I get the meds, not one day sooner.

Then they arrive and I go through the list and discover, the medication I always fall short on is really short this time. I should get a three-month supply, 90 pills, instead I get 7 pills and notice the med has no refills. So, what do I do? I call my doctor. (You thought I was going to say I took a nap)

I reach for my cell phone and call the boy, and this is what I get

"Doctors office"

"Hi, my name is Joe Delbloggolo, and I'm Dr. Ponchovilla's patient. I got my meds in the mail today and I am short 83 pills of Ramamucchie that I take once a day. All I got was 7 and it can no longer be refilled.

"Your doctor is?"

"Ponchovilla"

"And you are???"

"Joe Delbloggolo"

"And you are calling, why?"

"Because I'm short 83 pills of Ramamucchie."

"What is your birthdate?"

"July, way back when."

"Are you Joseph?"

This person speaks perfect English, she just doesn't understand it. This is of course, different from my usual complaint of not understanding what I usually get on the phone. Accents can be excused because this is America, stupidity takes some adjustment.

Friday, February 09, 2018

AS CATALOGUES GO

Yesterday I was perusing a catalog from a company that sells all kinds of product. The product list is considerable and covers a lot of different areas. Some of the product are whimsical, some seem like a good idea and some just plain dumb.

In the catalog was an insert from a company I followed for years for their techniques in selling collectible products. Things like coins, South African Krugerrands and dolls among many other things are sold with impressive sales pitches usually in the form of collectibles. They offer certificates of ‘Authenticity' and make the readers want to buy these things. Miniature cars cast in some metal made in plastic are sold as if they really were valuable.

Back in the 80's, collectible plates were a big thing, and when you had the series, they had you.

As I was reading the different little pup set ads, something fell out of the catalog, a free-standing insert by this company, and let me tell you, people will buy anything, just make up a reason.

On the inset was a lamp that they expect people with taste to set in their homes on a desk, table or what have you, of the ugliest thing I have ever seen being sold, Yoda the Jedi, his words and a shade that comes with all this for $21.99!

I would rather own a statue of Buddha or Christ with the spiritual implications than this Yoda with its commercial links, void of any philosophic reasons other than filling someone's pockets.

Thursday, February 08, 2018

GOING HOME AGAIN

I'm currently ghost-writing a book for someone. It is a book about a child growing up in the Red Hook section of Brooklyn during the late 40's or early 50's. It is an interesting production because of my own passion for those times as I grew up in Brooklyn.

The person who wants this book is a lot like myself, from an Italian family, with the values that we were taught in the streets of Brooklyn. There were valuable lessons that we took from the experiences into adulthood, the naked sense of survival, of loyalty, of adventure and of course the strong support from the main base, our family.

Much of what I am writing he says in his own words, relating stories and events as he saw them having an impact that became a visual imprimatur for things in his life. I am simply retelling it per his request. The added experiences of his life are simply mine. I am painting a picture with a broader brush, adding details that translate into a more realistic experience.

I'm writing everything in the present tense so as to bring the reader into the street, home, and school where these events occurred and help the reader live it. I have added my own insights to the stories and can feel AND RELIVE them as I do, making this writing experience whole. There are few things I have done creatively that gave me the pleasure this experience does.

The book is titled: A PLACE CALLED BROOKLYN. I hope to have this book published and on bookshelves by June. Wish me luck.

Wednesday, February 07, 2018

MOTHER MANNING


It's a favorite among the Irish, the song Mother Mc Cree, it sums up all the deep emotion and love that the Irish have for mothers, especially their own. When you hear the song sung and look into the eyes of an Irishman, there is a distant look, backward to the days of mom when life was at its best.

There's a spot in me heart which no colleen may own,
There's a depth in me soul never sounded or known,
There's a place in my mem'ry, my life that you fill,
No other can take it, no one ever will,

The words tell you all you need to know and hear, that she is THE memory in the lives of Irish children, a beautiful thing to behold.

(Chorus)
Sure I love the dear silver that shines in your hair,
And the brow that's all furrowed and wrinkled with care.
I kiss the dear fingers so toil-worn for me,
Oh, God bless you and keep you, Mother Machree!

I had a Mother McCree and I often think about her, remembering a laugh, a smile and a kindness that was ever-present. I, of course, was a lucky one, who loved his mother-in-law and was always happy to see her. But to get the full benefits of her visit, one needed to engage her in her past, her days as a child and memories of event s that shaped her heart and soul. There was the time she rode with her father in his car, and someone passed him on the road, and how he got his dander up and decided it was an affront to his manhood to have anyone pass him. She would laugh when she told it.

There was the Grandma Helen I feared when she got ahold of my kids and spoiled them, buying them all kinds of toys every time she saw them. I had to beg my wife to ask her mother not to buy these little toys because they were all over my house like locust!

Then there is the Mary McBride cookbook, a family heirloom that TLW (The Little Woman) brought with her when she married me. It is a special cookbook that was used by Helen. If anything, Helen loved versatility. The cookbook helped her cook, but also help her children do their homework.
The Cookbook

Of course, I can't forget the stories TLW related to me through the years about her mom when Mom's children were little, like the one where she took out her pots and pans and gave them to her kids to play with, IN THE MUD! A cool mom or what?
 
Notice the cut out! Homework
Today is Helen's birthday, she would have been 104. She lies peacefully in a cemetery with her beloved Jim, with a view of my parent's grave, just two rows over and so easy when we visit the graves.


So, when you hear that beautiful ode to Mother McCree, think of your own mom and all the tenderness you experienced, I know I will. I miss my mom, she passed a few years ago and this song triggered memories of two moms, how lucky I am.



Tuesday, February 06, 2018

AS SUPER BOWLS GO

It was the best in a long time. Last year when the Patriots came from behind, it was an exciting game as it went on. It didn’t reach the stage of riveting until the second half began and New England made that spectacular comeback.

This year it was a great game, close and New England proved how great they are, even in defeat. Tom Brady is an amazingly talented man, poised under pressure, sure of himself and his team never feels they are out of it.

Nick Foles is the rebirth of Tom Brady, at least for Sunday’s Super Bowl. Did he play over his head or is he just that good? He managed with his teammates 41 points, slinging the ball just as self-assuredly as the master Tom Brady. If you rooted one way or the other, you really didn’t appreciate what a great game it was, the teams were pretty evenly matched and kudos to all of them. When the final second ticked off, I wondered if there really was a loser.

A SUPER Super Bowl!

With all the controversy with concussions, kneeling and the usual crime these meatheads get involved in off the playing field, they did a great job for the NFL for a change.

Monday, February 05, 2018

GREEN THINGS

-->
This is a copy of something someone very wise posted and I am copying it here for you to read because I’m too lazy to write anything today. But it is worth the read.
Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the much older lady that she should bring her own grocery bags, because plastic bags are not good for the environment.
The woman apologized to the young girl and explained, "We didn't have this 'green thing' back in my earlier days."

The young clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations."

The older lady said that she was right -- our generation didn't have the "green thing" in its day. The older lady went on to explain:

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day.
Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags that we reused for numerous things. Most memorable besides household garbage bags was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our school books. This was to ensure that public property (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags. But, too bad we didn't do the "green thing" back then.

We walked up stairs because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.

But she was right. We didn't have the "green thing" in our day.
Back then we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throw away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts. Wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.

But that young lady is right; we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day.
Back then we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.

But she's right; we didn't have the "green thing" back then.

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blade in a r azor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.

But we didn't have the "green thing" back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service in the family's $45,000 SUV or van, which cost what a whole house did before the"green thing." We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint.

But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the "green thing" back then?

Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smart ass young person.

We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off... Especially from a tattooed, multiple pierced smartass who can't make change without the cash register telling them how much.

Sunday, February 04, 2018

SUPERBOWL SUNDAY,


Do you know where your food is?

What is it about Super Bowl Sunday and the need to make it a religious experience? It's like when my mother made me go to church on Christmas Day, get dressed and attend the Mass, then comes the company and the big dinner. Today it is dressing in your team colors, going to the TV or computer and filling yourself up with Pizza, Chile, Chinese food, chips and dips and more reverence than going to church. Both events require watching the clock.

I recall the first three or four Super Bowls I watched. The first two were just games of interest to me, as a new football league challenged an old one and got beat. Then the third one, with the famous $400,000 signing bonus baby from the University of Alabama came on the scene and predicted his team and mine, the NY Jets were going to beat the Baltimore Colts.

Watching the game that Sunday, a Sunday that the priest on his pulpit asked us all to pray for the Jets like the Devil was pulling for Baltimore. The game was on TV around noon or 1:00 pm. And ended in my being happy! I then sat down to dinner my mother made. This was the hight of my fandom happiness for the NY Jets, now I just cry every year.

I wonder why food has become an element in the watching of the game? In fact, why is eating so important when we go to the movies? Is food that important to us? I'm sure the Asians and South Americans, as well as the Europeans, eat like we do at these events as well.

Ken Belson wrote for the New York Times in 2013 about the British experience of watching their version of ‘football':
"In soccer-mad Britain, where fans shuttle from pub to stadium to pub, and opposing fans rarely mix, there is no equivalent of tailgating, the verb of which is defined as "to eat a meal served from the back of a parked vehicle."

Sports fans from Europe, on the whole, eat at home and then go to the game, as so do Asians and South Americans. This just tells you that soccer stadiums do not provide food as an end-all for their sport as does American football/baseball does.

Saturday, February 03, 2018

I AM A CARD-CARRYING MEMBER OF THE WBBATC


The other day we got our credit cards from the Wanna-Be Bank and Truss Co. It was a proud moment, something akin to the old Russians getting their Communist Party Membership card, or even a Nazi flaunting his membership card.

To be a fulltime member, one must activate the card, so I go on my cell phone and make the call. This is, of course, magical and someone thanks me for calling in English. I listen as she directs me to push #1 for English and then gives me all the instructions. I follow carefully, deliberately punching up the numbers and being very careful as to no mistakes on my part.

After the last number is pushed, the lady in English says my attempt was wasted, something doesn't match! This can't be, I match, I check my socks and they match, my shoes look alike almost, and even my hands look like they belong together. Is this the way for the Wanna-Be Bank and Truss Company to tell me I am no longer wanted? Is this financial rejection?

I take an aspirin and try again, this time I double check my number punching, being more positive than ever in my young life. Still, that ugly dark message is conveyed once again to me: "Forget it, Pal, you don't match!"

Retreating to my kitchen I make a cup of tea, pray to St. Anthony (Saw this work once in real time by TLW) and suddenly realize, I am using my cellphone, not my home phone! Another mystery of yours truly solved! 

Armed with assurance, I make one last attempt and this time I change phones, check my socks and shoes and dial, hitting pay dirt! I'M IN! I'M IN! I'M IN! I'M IN! I'M IN!

Now all I need to do is have some money to make the membership card mean something!

Friday, February 02, 2018

HOW DO YOU DO!!!!!!?

Jessie PA




I went to my quarterly checkup a few days ago and was greatly surprised, but pleased.

My physician retired and when he did he left an office that once was decorated in early 1970, with old floors and lousy rugs and paneling throughout the many rooms and a telephone booth that he converted into a room that housed a toilet and sink. This is the crucial room where you go to give out your pee sample and they see if you need shock or Ph balance like a pool.

I arrived at the office and enter the reception room, and I'm blown away! Yes, everything has changed, new flooring, a paint job, and some really nice prints on the walls beautifully framed. The chairs are all new and comfortable and I'm thinking: WOW!

There's even a little nameplate stating the attending physician is Jesse, the Physician's Assistant. "JESSIE PA" Just like that.

I have to sit down and take a breath. This is all too heady, and I wonder if my old doctor knows about these changes, let alone a Physician's Assistant.

A new nurse comes out and calls me in. She has a rich Germanic accent and is gorgeous, and I'm thinking its Jessie the new person in the mix.

I get ordered to step on the scale, then told to go pee.

Returning with the cup I place it on the counter next to my paper file. There is a computer screen in every one of the four examining rooms, with all your data about medications and tests or any criminal activity I may have been involved in.

Suddenly there is a knock on the door of the examining room, something that sounds soft, polite, maybe even sexy-it must be Jessie!!!

It is, and if she tries, she will never be sexy in my eyes, her voice is deep and she has the makings of a beard.

Jessie is a male nurse.

Thursday, February 01, 2018

THE DOCTOR CALLIT

When you have a slight hearing loss like I do, where you don't hear well on the phone, in large places, small places and yes, those places in between, life can be tricky. Your ordinary day is filled with heightened tension and worried anticipation as someone speaks.

The Little Woman (TLW) has been dealing with this problem since she married me, and yet she did. Without her cooperation, you would not have such notables as Moonstomper and Mike Headroom, who people have stated never seeing the two in the same room. If you are curious about this, be afraid, very afraid.

The other day I got a call while I was away. Coming home I found a message on my phone from a somewhat familiar looking phone number. Usually, the calls left on my phone are sales calls by Robo, and I just erase them. This one seemed to call out to me to listen to it. IT WAS MY DOCTOR'S OFFICE! My God, was I dying? Was there something terminally wrong with me? Is this the end. Looking into the mirror, I said my goodbyes, yes, this is the end.

I pick up the phone and there on the message was the doctor himself, telling me something about something, which was OK, except he was speaking in such a rush and at a high pitch. Had no idea when I was dying, but he seemed to be in a hurry to tell me something. Do I cancel my trip to California? Do I fill my gas tank? Do I even have lunch?

So, picking up the phone I call TLW.

"WHAT?"

"Hi Toots, can you do me a favor and call the answering machine and retrieve a message that the doctor left. I couldn't understand a word he said."

She calls to tell me that the doctor said that I had an appointment tomorrow at 9:00 AM and would meet with a Jessie who is the new LPN!

So much for dying, it's worst-his co-pay!