THE THINGS I DO FOR LOVE

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It was a cold, rainy Saturday night in early November. The sounds of the wind made it seem prohibitive to go outside or drive anywhere. After a nice steak dinner with a salad and a few drinks, I sat in my easy chair and leaned back, booting the old Boob Tube for an evening of mindless entertainment.

Across from me sat TLW (The Little Woman) and faithful guide for over 43 years, as she remarked how terrible it did indeed sound outside. The darkness at the end of this particular day and the late hour it was, seemed to punctuate her statement that it was miserable out there.

I turned on the TV to watch the news when suddenly, TLW made an announcement.

“Joe? I won’t do it, that is go, but if you want Carvel Ice cream, you’d have to drive.

“Huh?” (I should have been an English major.)

“If you want the ice cream you have to drive to get it.”

“Ice cream? Go out and get it?”

“Yes, only if you want.”

Not wanting any ice cream, and not wanting to go out in the nasty weather, I put on my shoes and asked her what she wanted.

Getting into my car, I pulled out of the driveway and asked myself two questions; 1) Do I really want any ice cream? And 2) Do I really want to be out in this rainy, cold mess?

Arriving at the ice cream store, I park where I want because it is 45 degrees, raining, and windy, and there is no one else at the store. I enter and three ladies are standing behind the counter as I enter, looking at me like I might be robbing them with my rain hat and leather jacket on.

They take my order and I leave, feeling like they the sales help were thinking who is this guy?

Getting wet again, I drive home in the traffic of glaring lights, windshields that won’t wipe clearing enough because it is raining so hard the windshield wipers can’t keep up. I enter the house and across the way sits my bride of 43 years, under a blanket in her pajama’s and I ask: “You aren’t pregnant by any chance?”

http://www.ahrcsuffolk.org/

http://www.ebeanstalk.com/?store=42

http://www.mountaintoptoys.com/

Address: 1231 Taft Hwy, Signal Mountain, TN 37377

Phone:(423) 886-6943

Hours: Open today · 10:00 am – 6:00 pm

DO YOU WATCH THE BIG BANG THEORY?

You should!

TRICK OR TREAT SMELL MY FEET GIVE ME SOMETHING GOOD TO EAT!

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One of my earliest recollections in life was a Halloween Party hosted by my family. I remember a witch coming and scaring me to death: as she seemed so eerie. I don’t think I was more than 4 years of age.

As I got older, my sister and I would have our own party, bobbing for apples and my mouth was not yet large enough too capture an apple with my hands behind my back. There was the candy corn and some kind of cupcakes or cakes decorated in black and orange icing.

Soon I was out on the street as I aged, joining my sister and friends as we dressed as hobos, and maybe a mask if you were rich. I had on my dad’s tie, maybe his shoes and jacket and we went from apartment house to apartment house, ringing doorbells and yelling: “Tick or treat!” Sometimes in unison we would sing: “Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat!” Most times we were not greeted with candy but a hearty: “Get the hell outta here!” These people are the ones we loved, because we would ring all the doorbells on the mailbox bank and run like hell.

We used chalk in long stockings, flour if you could get it without Mom knowing and colored chalk to mark up property and fellow trick-or-treaters! Life was good, there were no parents to follow us, and when or if we got a treat it was usually a piece of fruit such as an apple or orange, or a few pennies or nickel pretty sad, no?

Well now they come to my door this past Halloween, and it got me thinking about the old days. First they are all organized by their cell-phone parents, on eye on their kid and one on the phone. They have costumes… not homemade, but store bought, and in my day if you wore one store bought, we beat you up!

One kid looked like he drove to my house, some I think were making a second tour, I guess something like a Derrick Jeter farewell tour! What bothered me was one little kid was wearing a costume and holding his ear the entire time, with a very unhappy face. First I thought it was part of the schtick, but finally I asked: “What’s wrong with that boys ear?” The mother casually tells me: “He says he has an earache.” Nice.

Well, that was Halloween, some years no one comes and some years the parents need to get a hobby or more sleep!

http://www.ahrcsuffolk.org/

http://www.ebeanstalk.com/?store=42

http://www.mountaintoptoys.com/

Address: 1231 Taft Hwy, Signal Mountain, TN 37377

Phone:(423) 886-6943

Hours: Open today · 10:00 am – 6:00 pm

DO YOU WATCH THE BIG BANG THEORY?

You should!

WHEN JESUS CALLS

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When I was a kid, Mom decided I needed religion badly. At 5 years of age, I was heading to a life of crime and God knows what else, so she needed help, and enlisted the nuns and brothers of Our Lady of Lourdes School in Brooklyn to straighten me out. Brooklyn started its demise from being a very nice community to being just nice when I was born.

To some degree, the school was a help, it taught me how to write properly, a take orders under the threat of corporal punishment, although they all acted like drill sergeants! We did things by rote, we responded respectfully and did what we were told to do, or else, from both the teacher and the parent.

TLW (The Little Woman) teaches little second graders religion. Every week she takes time from her life and teaches kids about Jesus and about how to carry love and respect in their everyday lives. If I had had TLW as my religious teacher, who knows how good I could have been? She has a habit of lulling you into goodness, without breaking a sweat!

However, when she comes home after her class, we sit down and eat dinner, and she relates to me the experience she just pasted through and how it compares with other similar experiences, bringing the full load of expectation gone awry.

Every year there is always one child in her class who acts up, and decides to be a clown, with an overactive mindset. This year’s award winner happens to be a little 7-year old who likes to burp. Yes, even on an empty stomach, and while talking will fain a burp in mid-word. She has had them stand on seats, climb the walls and for those who can’t read, insist on reading out loud!

At the beginning of the year, when she is introduced to the children, at least one parent, usually a father, will warn TLW that his child: usually a boy is a TWO- hand filled. Problems like over-active is not uncommon, hyper and big mouthed they run and TLW has to try to calm them down, and teach them about God and Jesus.

Usually, by the end of the year, the child has learned about God, Jesus and the way of the cross. The difference between that kid and me was that I had to go to confession, but they didn’t have to sign theirs!

http://www.ahrcsuffolk.org/

http://www.ebeanstalk.com/?store=42

http://www.mountaintoptoys.com/

Address: 1231 Taft Hwy, Signal Mountain, TN 37377

Phone:(423) 886-6943

Hours: Open today · 10:00 am – 6:00 pm

DO YOU WATCH THE BIG BANG THEORY?

You should!

WHY?

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I don’t know the little girl, never met her: don’t know much about her except she was 3-years old and suffered from leukemia, and her name is Madison. Little Madison passed away recently.

The only reason I know that is because TLW (The Little Woman) told me. But Madison’s suffering and pain and now her death have put daggers in my heart, after all: she is but a child. Her family from what I hear is very loving, adopting children who are in need, who suffer and are just like Madison.

But what about her family: those people that lived and suffered with her? What do you say to them, what can you do for them? How do you fill the void? But more importantly, WHY? Why God, why does this happen? Why do we get defeated before we even have a chance to fight? She was only 3, why? What is the point of a 3-year old suffering, let alone dying? How do we make sense of all this?

Raising a child is hard: it requires a lot of understanding. Love is not enough; you need to think like the child in order to make sense out of what the child is thinking. You cannot put an adult’s logic into a child’s mind, and when something like what has happened to Madison, you cannot comprehend the logic that is in God’s mind and put it in yours.

Having lost a child myself, I feel the pain, the anger at God and the sorry of the parent’s, because I’ve been there and it doesn’t make any sense to me. And here is the kicker: people would say that it happened to my wife and me because we are strong. That is a lot of crap! There are stronger people in this world then, give it to them.

There is nothing anyone can do for Madison, pray for her family to have the strength to bear all this, it is a cold hard place to be.

TODAY’S MAN

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You know me, I don’t like to complain or criticize, but then again, yes I do so here it comes.

I’ve been getting a little depressed lately watching society change and go kind of down hill. Now I’m not a clotheshorse or a prude. I don’t consider myself conservative or liberal, just middle of the road on most things. But as I gaze out my window of life, things are getting depressing!

For instance: looking at how men dress and present themselves these days, and I’m talking about young men, it strikes me that some of societies norms have become un-normal, or have run off the track.

If you ride the railroad, there they are, in a parking garage you find more, in a restaurant, you find the rest, guys with their baseball caps the peak usually behind them to the left or right, I guess according to either politics or proclivity. I recall when they started to wear earrings, something that when I first saw it I was shocked! Earrings: on a man is just too sissified for me to appreciate. My mother wore earrings, my sisters wore earrings, my grandmother and aunts wore earring. Even old Miss Langon my first grade teacher wore earrings: in fact she had them on in her coffin! But Dad didn’t: man, I don’t know, maybe they are trying to get in touch with their inner feminine side. If that wasn’t bad enough, they now have: ‘man purses’, I repeat myself: My mother had a purse, my sisters had a purse, my grandmother and aunts had a purse. Even old Miss Langon my first grade teacher had a purse: in fact she had it with her in her coffin!

I remember Dad coming home from the job during the 1940’s and 1950’s: he climbed the two flights of steps, came into the apartment and dropped his fedora on the dinning room table. That was my first sense of a man. When I went out I saw other fedoras on heads and figured they were all men and daddies! But that tradition died during the 1960’s a slow death but it did die.

Then ties and styles of jackets changed and so it went until we reached the point of abandoning men’s styles after the Edwardian look, to something that was generic.

Accessorizing was done with cigarettes. In the old days men smoked to show they were stylish, sophisticated and manly. (Actually the manly men smoked them backwards), and Dad was a smoker. He smoked Raleigh’s Cigarettes, because of Mom. Mom wasn’t a smoker but insisted if Dad was going to smoke and leave her with nothing, at least leave her with coupons so she could redeem them for his coffin! She would admonish Dad every time he took out a cigarette: “Sure, put another nail in your coffin!”

Then when the 1960’s hit, everything became boring after the Edwardian look left, skinny ties hung around and plaid was everywhere: jackets, underwear and ties. And so we plowed through the decades until we run into the 21^st Century and the butt cheek, you know, where the crack looks like a giant vertical wrinkle sticking out of the back of the pants that hang at the hips. Baseball caps became a fashion statement. In the 70’s and 80’s the caps were worn correctly, with the visor in the front because that is where you squinted from the sun. Then suddenly visors were worn in the back and soon shifted to where they are today at one side or the other. This may be because people were having strange children with eyes in the sides and towards the back of the head. This may not be as strange s you think since I know for a fact that Mom had eyes in the back of her head.

But as I look at the yoyo’s I see what I think is the future, everybody on welfare, no one capable, and no one caring. The good news is I will be dead by the time they totally take over-I hope. Hats on wrong, tattooed like a walking comic book, not able to write in script nor read it, pants down around the knees as the walk around, and talking like: “Yo! Whazzup mybrudder?”

http://www.ahrcsuffolk.org/

http://www.ebeanstalk.com/?store=42

http://www.mountaintoptoys.com/

Address: 1231 Taft Hwy, Signal Mountain, TN 37377

Phone:(423) 886-6943

Hours: Open today · 10:00 am – 6:00 pm

DO YOU WATCH THE BIG BANG THEORY?

You should

THINGS I MISS MOST

In my 39 years on this Earth, life seems to have changed so much that I fear we are losing some wonderful experiences all in the name of progress!

Oh the smells!

For instance: I can’t seem to find any bakeries anymore. You remember them? They sold buns on a Sunday morning, fresh pies and rolls, great bread and the smell that greeted you when you entered the shop overwhelmed. Then these wonderful goods were put into a white box and string tied with a red and white string, wrapped round and round and then knotted, or white sanitary bags.

I miss the cool fall days and walking along a city street, and coming upon a fruit and vegetable store. The fruit set up in neat rows and ready to squeeze, the smell particular to the venue. The owner would take the items and throw them on a scale and dump it into a brown paper bag and you paid then off you’d go.

Fresh daily!

When I was a kid, I would go along the street in Brooklyn and stop in front of the shoemaker shop. He had a black cat decal that was in his front store window, I loved the picture and would peek into the shop and watch him work or take on a customer. I usually would go in with a brown bag and my worn out shoes and ask for new leather soles and heels. He would eye them like a prize relic and say: Tuesday. Once again, the smell was particular to the shop and he was usually an older man, from the “other side”.  His tools of the trade fascinating me and my wondering how he learned to use them.

The butcher shop was special too, the saw dust on the floor, butcher block tables with cut marks and knives set between the blocks and the heavy scales and hanging salami, the cold cuts ready for your request, the chops all neatly lined up in the refrigerated case, like soldiers at attention, the different dangling sausages, all commanded your attention. I loved the way they wrapped the meat in that reddish brown wrapping, making these bundles then dropping them in a brown bag for your convenience.

Their greeting was genuine!

Then of course was the small grocery store, something like the convenience stores we experience today, only they were more personal, more friendly and indeed had its own culture. There was the stick with the claw at the end with its pincer grasp for cans and items high on the shelf. The bread and pickles, the fresh donuts and loaves of bread, and as you picked your items, there were no carts or baskets in those days, you placed everything on the counter and the owner would take a brown paper bag, and in crayon write the price down of each item in a row, then total it up, all by hand with his mind, no scanning or machines!

Finally I miss the fish monger, who would come by the neighborhood about mid to late afternoon, announcing his presence, particularly on a Friday, his horse plop, plop, plopping down the street, leaving muffins as he went, the fisherman calling out: “Hey seafood for sale, get your fresh seafood!”

Sadly, that is all gone, never more will one be able to experience those little pleasures of life, each in its own way special and memorable, gone to the way of large parking lots with inattentive drivers and metal carriages that seem to want to go in their own direction, sometimes into someone or someone’s car door. The massive building holding rows of rotted vegetables and the bakeries having no character in the flavors in their sterile appearance and uninterested workers who seem to never be around if you need something. The fish is usually suspect since you don’t know how fresh it is, and neither do the managers, and the meat, well let’s say that having meat in plastics trays with little kotex napkins under them makes you wonder just what is on the other side of the meat.

http://www.ahrcsuffolk.org/

http://www.ebeanstalk.com/?store=42

http://www.mountaintoptoys.com/

Address: 1231 Taft Hwy, Signal Mountain, TN 37377

Phone:(423) 886-6943

Hours: Open today · 10:00 am – 6:00 pm

DO YOU WATCH THE BIG BANG THEORY?

You should!

OH SAY CAN YOU SAY?

It was the pregame ceremony of the fifth game of the 2014 World Series between the San Francisco Giants and the Kansas City Royals, and to sing our National Anthem was the one and only Aaron Lewis, the lead singer of Staind. The crowds stood in reverence to the flag and listened to a great talent do his thing. Unfortunately so did the viewers at home.

"What so proudly we hailed were so gallantly streaming."

Huh? Is that right? The fans in the stands seemed to be asking the same question, some singing

it in their minds and trying to figure it out.

The correct lyrics are:

"What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming."

As for Mr. Lewis, here is what he had to say:

“All I can say is: I'm sorry and ask for the Nation's forgiveness. My nerves got the best of me and I am completely torn up about what happened. America is the greatest country in the world. The Star-Spangled Banner means so much to so many, including myself. I hope everyone can understand the intensity of the situation and my true intent of this performance. I hope that the Nation, Major League Baseball and the many fans of our national pastime can forgive me.”

Now this is something that is perfectly understandable and probably happens to everyone at one time or another when we try alone, let alone with TV cameras and thousands of fans in the stands!

Have you gone to church and they ask you to sing, what happens? A few sing, but most don’t, they ‘sing’ under their breath, staring straight ahead and not looking at anyone, in a trance like state. God forbid a priest, minister or rabbi happen t look your way, then you mouth the words and make it look like you are singing out loud, making the priest think: “Wow, he is really into it!”

Same holds true for the National Anthem, we stand in a ball park and the music starts and we mouth the words, fearing someone hearing us and saying: SHUTUP, PULEEEASE! No, we are too vain to be heard unless under duress.

So to Aaron Lewis, on behalf of most of the American public I say: You are forgiven, no need to apologize or feel any shame. If I had national TV staring me in the face and surrounded by 50,000 screaming lunatics, I’d flub too. So all is forgiven and God bless America. (You can sing that in your head silently, if you remember the words)

http://www.ahrcsuffolk.org/

http://www.ebeanstalk.com/?store=42

http://www.mountaintoptoys.com/

Address: 1231 Taft Hwy, Signal Mountain, TN 37377

Phone:(423) 886-6943

Hours: Open today · 10:00 am – 6:00 pm

DO YOU WATCH THE BIG BANG THEORY?

You should!

I’M PROUD

If there is one thing in the world that everyone needs, it is a nurse at one time or another. A man or woman who goes into this field knows full well that he/she will be doing it for humanity, and NOT the paycheck. No nurse I know of has made a real living being a nurse.

Whenever I was in a hospital, I tried to cooperate with them, giving them a little humor to try to lighten a tough load, caring for all the people they see through the course of their day, wondering sometimes how they an even take on another bed change or even patient change and how their bodies don’t make them pay for it at the end of the day.

It must be a great thing to go to sleep at night and say to yourself, WOW, I did something today that few can claim, “I made a persons day a little better, I helped them through an agony or discomfort, and I will do it again tomorrow!”

Katie, beautiful AND a nurse!

I’m proud, I have two nurses in my family, one is my niece Katie, my goddaughter, and one is my nephew David. Both these humanitarians can hold their heads high because they do God’s work, they work hard, and I’m sure suffer in the process and with little thanks and even less pay. Their jobs are essential, we MUST have them and we all need them at one or more points in our lives. They execute the "Orders" of other health care professionals, and do it with compassion.

David with his lovely wife Kim

The first known nurse, Phoebe, was mentioned in Romans 16:1. During the early years of the Church, St. Paul sent the deaconess Phoebe to Rome to take care of both women and men. In the 1920s, health care included 294,000 trained nurses, 150,000 untrained nurses, 47,000 midwives, and 550,000 other hospital workers, and everyone of them essential and underpaid!

So next time you go to the hospital, remind yourself that these angels of God are being stretched to the limit, both physically and mentally, that they can’t be in two ro more places at the same time, so unless you are about to die, have patience and be patient, a good patient and understand they are there to help, NOT to be abused.

http://www.ahrcsuffolk.org/

http://www.ebeanstalk.com/?store=42

http://www.mountaintoptoys.com/

Address: 1231 Taft Hwy, Signal Mountain, TN 37377

Phone:(423) 886-6943

Hours: Open today · 10:00 am – 6:00 pm

DO YOU WATCH THE BIG BANG THEORY?

You should!

I’M PREVENTED FROM TAKING PICTURES!

We entered the pancake house for breakfast one Sunday morning recently (Oct. 26) and were greeted by the waitress, a strikingly beautiful young woman wearing a form fitting costume for Halloween. To say the least, and that is all I will say: SHE WAS MARVELOUS!!!!

I kid you not: she was absolutely beautiful with long black hair, gorgeous eyes and one hell of a figure.  

She was ready to guide us to a table nearby, but I insisted on one way down the end of the restaurant, and then followed her, as she glided down the long aisle, to my delight!

OK, just like a man, but I admire pretty woman and sometimes even smart ones too. I am no prude and you wouldn’t judge me that way if you knew me. I made no obscene comments to her, respecting her, and when she got me to my table, I had a little conversation.

“I love your costume!” I said.

“Oh! Do you know who I’m supposed to be?”

In my mind I had an answer but didn’t opine in THAT direction.

“No?”

Have you seen the Avengers?”

“Who?”

“The Avengers. Haven’t you seen the trailers at least?

TLW (The Little Woman) now took over.

“No, we are too old to watch that. (She was killing me here.)

She walked away disappointed as I was when she did so.

Well, at least I still have my imagination, if I can just recall what I was suppose to dream about again.

http://www.ahrcsuffolk.org/

http://www.ebeanstalk.com/?store=42

http://www.mountaintoptoys.com/

Address: 1231 Taft Hwy, Signal Mountain, TN 37377

Phone:(423) 886-6943

Hours: Open today · 10:00 am – 6:00 pm

DO YOU WATCH THE BIG BANG THEORY?

You should!

I-PAD EYIYI!

Every now and then, things need to be replaced: shoes, clothing and even old girlfriends. But now it has gotten critical, I-Pads are now going the way of laptops-expensive and upgraded!

Since 1991, I have owned a computer, something that I now heavily rely upon for important stuff like Facebook and Twitter, and yes e-mails. When I joined the rest of the electronic and computer world way back then I never realized how it would take over my life. At first I tried to get TLW (The Little Woman) involved so she could experience the wonders of the electronic world and so she did, but not without first driving me to a quicker aging process with questions and fear of trying things herself. But as she used these items, she became more daring and less afraid, and all was good.

Then her I-pad died, suddenly in its sleep. She awoke one morning and I found her sobbing, almost shaken to the point of hysteria. I tried to get it to work but it wouldn’t respond, its lifeless body, lay flat in my hand.  Tried to use both buttons, the startup and return buttons at once and still, nothing. Crestfallen and heartbroken we tried to charge it all day, every now and then I’d go over to it and try once more. Nothing. TLW came home from work and asked: “Did you try?” “Yes, I did all I could, I’m so sorry for your loss!”

“Would you come with me to Best Buy and see if we can repair it?”

“Sure.” I my heart I knew there was nothing we could do, in my very being deep into the core of my body I knew: $700, easy!

So Saturday rolled around and off we went, and entered the store under deep trepidation, she was nervous, I was crestfallen $700 worth easy.

We pushed the dead i-pad (No caps it was dead) and the young geek looked at it and said: “Dead on arrival! I’m so sorry for your loss! That will be $700, EASY!!!” We did what people tell you to do, as soon as one dies, run out and get another to take your mind off of the dead one, and so we did. Stroking the old one: one more time, I broke down and sobbed while TLW whipped out the old credit card: $700 real easy.

Bringing home the new I-PAD (ALL CAPS, IT WAS THE NEWEST VERSION) she sat in her chair and I took out my book, a heavy tome on the history of Russia. As I immersed myself in the reign of Joe Stalin with all the long impossible Russian names, TLW was starting to talk out loud, not only was she talking out loud, she was asking questions I couldn’t answer and yet I felt compelled to assist anyway. She discovered new things and some of her old things, she was now giving me a blow-by-blow description of what she was finding. From the Kremlin to the dacha to Apple systems I went, my head spinning, wondering when it would end, when Stalin would put down his I-pad and shoot me. My mind was a maze of confusion. Not only had she mastered the I-PAD, (ALL CAPS, IT WAS THE NEWEST VERSION) she now was better informed than me!

Somewhere there is a dark corner I will retreat to, un-needed and outdated with my old I-pad and of course my outdated cell-phone system 2, while she has system 4.

http://www.ahrcsuffolk.org/

http://www.ebeanstalk.com/?store=42

http://www.mountaintoptoys.com/

Address: 1231 Taft Hwy, Signal Mountain, TN 37377

Phone:(423) 886-6943

Hours: Open today · 10:00 am – 6:00 pm

DO YOU WATCH THE BIG BANG THEORY?

You should!