Sunday, October 18, 2015

A GENTLE SOUL

The 37-year old son of Italian immigrants, he would lean in the doorway, which overlooked the three step grey stoop. He would stare out into nowhere, watching people go by. He could hear the cadence of a little girl as she bounced her rubber ball, and every once in while swing her leg over the ball as it descended, then abruptly ascended back into her palm, only to begin the process allover again.
Nick Iula

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Rachel Santoleri onions, only one? I have many. Peas, artichokes,beans, cabbage, sprouts and more
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OLDER
IF THIS IS HEAVEN…
Then I’m heading to Hell.
Grandma had many religious icons, pictures and candles. She was always in perpetual prayer. She left no stone unturned at the cemetery, walls in her home and space in her garden. Heaven was a grim reminder that with it comes: death.
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Contessa Aiello
Contessa Aiello OMG....talk about eery saints pictures......we had a picture of St.Lucy with her eyes in a plate. OMG....that had to be the weirdest one of all. I remember that darn eyes following me when I was in the room. Strange.
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LOL . Italian Grandmas don't take any shit. 😂😂😂😂
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Patricia Arnold Way to go grandma!
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Good morning everyone. Hope you all are having a wonderful week-end. Having one of these bad boys installed in my kitchen tomorrow. hahaha
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A surefire way to instantly boost office morale.
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Contessa Aiello Make mine white...
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Nina Mazzeo Cohen Just perfect, I want one of these.
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Barbara Lotito-Myers again, no share option!!
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Whatever it's on sale ....but my favore is Filippo Berio ...and yours ??
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Jo-Ann Beltrami Calendrillo Thanks for the correction, Vincent.
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Contessa Aiello Always, Felippo Berio.....just like my Nonna.
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Contessa Aiello But, Marcello, that's not for cooking. That's for savoring!!
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ALBA, Italy – Today’s blog post on http://thisitalianlife.blogspot.it is all about the Palio in the Piedmontese town of Alba. It’s just a little different than the other palios you’ll find in many small towns in Italy, in fact you might say it is unique. Nonetheless it is celebrated with all the pomp and circumstance worthy of a normal palio, which in this story includes the blessing of the Bishop of Alba, who is shown here being followed by a bevy of local beauties. To see the story just click on the link above.
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Contessa Aiello I loved your photos and description...LOL. Can you just imagine wearing these clothes in the 1500's.....beyond opulent! Grazie!
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Thursday, October 15, 2015

FIGHTING MAD


When I was in first grade, I went to Our Lady of Lourdes, and we were required to buy our books. Mom was very careful to put the money in an envelope and give it to us to bring to school on the second day of class: every child attending school did this. My older sister would accompany me to the classroom where she would hand the envelope to Miss Langon: a woman in her nineties and cranky as can be.

That year we handed the money in and the next day, my sister was called to my classroom and handed a note. The note said we had not paid for our books! Mom was angry and suffering a cold with flu like symptoms. The note requested that Mom come down and pay for the books herself.

Being unable to get out of bed, she called my grandmother to go down to the school in her behalf. Grandma was briefed as they say and off she went with me in hand and my sister, ready to put the old bag away!

Mean old Miss Langon stood in front of her classroom, under the crucifix, George Washington and Abe Lincoln, arms folded and sternly looking at grandma who arrived with her broken English and fiery temper, her red hair seemed redder than usual.

Without missing a heartbeat she immediately laced into the old gal, who was so shocked she took a few steps back, as Grandma was now nose to nose with her.

“Wadda you meana we no pay, we paya you, wadda you do with a the money, eh?”

She was now talking in three languages all at once; Broken English, Italian and her hands. “The little girla say she payer you the money, she no lie!”

After careful examination of the amounts and counting the number of children, Old Miss Langon conceded defeat to the little Italian lady with the determination of an injured bull. Grandma was a hero!

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

IT’S BEEN SO LONG, OUCH!


Some of my earliest memories are of greeting relatives from out of town and their habits. It seems all of them had a need to physically remind you of their presence. For instance, there was Grandma, who in her floral apron, slippers and black mourning dress greeted you with a two-fingered squeeze of the right cheek. After the squeeze, she’d look you up and down, ask you why you don’t eat more, then slip you a few bucks and put her forefinger to her lips and tell you not to say anything about the money. Up until now, I never mentioned it to anyone.

Grandpa was another story. He would usually disappear somewhere, usually to go play cards at the local Republican club. It was furnished in early Italian Garibaldi, with anisette bottles, cigar smoke and swearwords: Italian of course.

Then there was my Aunt Tessie. Yup, you were probably wondering if I was a real Italian, did I have an Aunt Tessie? After all is said in done in Italian, the meatballs are made and the bragiola packed and tied, no mention of an Aunt Tessie?

Aunt Tessie was my Mom’s sister, looked alike but Aunt Tessie kept her wooden spoon for her own son, for me she had another strange habit, one I dreaded and I know she loved. Upon entering the room, there she stood, all 4’9” of her waiting for me. I tried shaking hands with her but she would have nothing to do with it. Cautiously I would approach her. Pretending to be speaking with someone, not even looking me in the eye, she would grab me and bite my cheek, then this smile across her face and a wonderful look in her eye, pure love.

Then there was Aunt Angie, yes, another name for the Italian books, who always asked about you in some form or fashion, usually with kindness, taking her mother’s position that it be nice to slip the kid a buck or two, even a candy treat, again the finger on the lip. Everybody loved Aunt Angie!

I had two Uncle Joe’s, who were married to two Aunt Tessie’s. The cheek biter and Martha Ray, or so she reminded me of. Quick with physical antics and funny stories, she made everyone laugh, except of course, Uncle Joe. He was a very handsome man, kind in many ways and I liked him, but didn’t get too close to him for some reason. HE HAD NO SENSE OF HUMOR! The more she made people laugh, the darker he looked, he, didn’t want to be clownish in any way.

My other Uncle was a bit of a sour puss with a bad temper, and was usually the life of the party! Married to the cheek biter, he was very bossy to her and although you loved his stories, he was to be a little careful with in what you said, once he got so mad after arriving, he just collected his family and went home!

Saying goodbye in my family was hard. Not the; I’m going to miss you hard, but the I can’t stop talking hard. If you scheduled a 9:00 PM departure, you began saying goodbye at 7:00 PM! This was a kind of dance with multiple dancers. There were the GOODBYERS and the GOODBUYEES. Slowly they rose from the table and made a statement: I’m leaving, right now, but first we talk. Slowly they slip-slide to the exit, in unison, hands moving at speeds so fast they were way ahead of their conversations.

Mom: “Joseph, tell your sister we are leaving now.”
Me: “OK Ma” then I would go find a chair to sleep for a couple of hours.

Someday I’ll tell you about the art of conversing over Penne and meatballs.

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

START STOMPING AND STOP WHINING

Woman's quote of the day
"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with."
Wine in my family background goes back a few centuries. When my grandfather came to America, he brought with him his wine making skills and passed on the appreciation of wine to his children, who in turn tried to keep it from their children.
Grandpa Ralph had a winemaking grape crusher in his cellar on Fulton Street, Brooklyn. In the late summer when the grapes where fully ripened, he would cut them down from the vineyard he had growing in his backyard, Grandpa was a smart man, in the spring when the grapes began their maturation, he would cut a grape off and giver it to his grandchildren, who would taste a sour grape, and avoid touching the grapes at all, never realizing that the grapes would sweeten in the late summer!
Once it was time for the grapes to be harvested and turned into wine, the place became a beehive of wine making activity, flies all over the basement and grape being crushed into a grinder, then set aside to ferment, and then bottled into wine bottles without labels or brand. But if you tasted the wine, it was Grandpa’s wine we drank.
A homemade bottle of wine was often an apt gift to present to someone and was gladly accepted. Wine was like a pizza compared to other pizza made, so wine was compared. Grandma Frances made pizza as a business during the great depression and profited from her pizza parlor. Dad grew up and in turn would buy pizza and make a judgment, depending on his mood, whether the pizza was as good as he would make.
Grandma would always come to visit us when we moved to the Island and bring a big shopping bag or two. One bag was with a gallon of homemade wine and one was a bag filled with Italian cheeses, salami from different Italian regions and sometimes bread. But wine was the gift!
On the holidays such as Easter and Christmas, Dad would pour a pitcher of wine from his gallon jug and then slice oranges and drop them into the jug. After the orange slices sat through the meal, each of us kids got a slice of orange to suck and eat on, this was a big deal to a 7 year-old!
But God forbid you dropped or spilt a glass of wine, you were marked as clumsy for life, and everywhere you went, people would know: HE spilled the wine.
One day Dad went to Brooklyn to pick up Grandma for the weekend. Dad helped Grandma into the house and I was ordered to bring in the wine, 2 gallons that Grandpa had made. Going into the car, I take out the two gallons and one of them bumps into a concrete step and breaks, leaving wine on the walkway, on the lawn and on my pants. You would think I said a curse word in the presence of the Pope! Only the presence of one of Grandma’s crucifixions saved me from crucifixion by my father!
Men's counter-quote of the day
"Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache.

Sunday, October 11, 2015

HOME SWEET GRANDMAS!


At St. Peter's Catholic Church, they have weekly husbands' marriage seminars.

At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, 'Wella, I'va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!'

The priest responded, 'Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?

Giuseppe proudly replied, "I gonna go picka her up."

Grandma had one important rule, which was: you enter her kitchen for any reason; you eat! Say you were attacked by a herd of ferocious elephants that stomped on your head and broke all your bones, or a paper cut and you went into Grandma’s kitchen for relief, first you had to have something to eat!

Living in a tight Italian/American community, people took care of each other. Your neighbor had a son who was a doctor; you went to your neighbor’s son for a cure,

You needed potatoes, you went to the local green grocer, and you bought potatoes. The important factor was they were all Italians. You wanted a good lawyer, you went to Belmont Avenue and found a good lawyer, Jewish preferred.

The same was true with preparing your taxes: there was always someone in the family or neighborhood with an Italian last name that did your taxes. H&R Block was street names with alphabet running between the two streets.

So one year Dad had to have his taxes made out for Uncle (Zio?) Sam and the State of New York. Since we had moved from the old neighborhood, he would go back and have it done, and asked me to come for the ride.

Once we arrived at the tax lady’s house, she plied us with Italian cookies and black coffee in demitasse cups. Dad put his shoebox of receipts on her kitchen table and the process began and ended with the cookies.

Off we went and afterward stopped at Grandmas, who wasn’t expecting us.

We enter and happily she greets us, making sure to pinch the Hell out of my cheeks (the ones over my Adam’s apple). She sits us down at her table and takes off while we drink a cup of coffee. Suddenly I get the delicious odor of steak on an open fire, Grandma is down in the cellar cooking steaks.

Reappearing a short while later, she reappears with two steaks, takes out this crusty Italian bread, wine a salad and cheese and pepperoni, (She was a direct descendant of a saint) and so we feasted, once more, Grandma’s rule enforced.

I wish I could go back to the old haunts, the older generation and tell them how much I appreciated all they did for me, my love of all of them from Zio Felice’s nasty smelling Napoli cigars to grandma’s steaks, I hope their reward is great where they are now. God bless them all, in every family like them in every way.

Saturday, October 10, 2015

GRANDPA-LEARNING ENGLISH

Grandpa was amazing: he didn’t care what people thought of him, except for his Francesca. She could make or break the man, but that was his limit. Grandma was a fiery redhead: who had oomph and drive. But Grandpa had his ways, some of them a little not ordinary.

While Grandma worried about the business, the apartments and her trips to Italy and upstate for pilgrimages to the Blessed Mother, Grandpa’s worries were more mundane: the window sill that needed repair, the grape vines in the yard, the furnace and the little things that needed fixing. His tool set was nothing fancy, no power drills or electrical screwdrivers, no reciprocal saws, only old-fashioned tools, hand tools that had lived probably since the 1930’s. Like Grandpa, they were old, tired, maybe not so sharp, but still in good enough working order to do the job.

Grandpa didn’t dress like a dandy, no, he had grey or black work pants that he probably wore three times a week, heavy shoes that were scoffed and unpolished, and a shirt that said: ‘old flannel’ and to top it all off, a grey fedora, that he wore cocked on his head.

But in spite of all this, Grandpa was a man of determination, and he would make his goals no matter how silly it might seem, but like I said, he didn’t care what people thought. For instance…Grandpa wanted to learn English. The rule for his children was no speaking in Italian, not to each other, not to their mother and most of all, not to him. So how did he learn English? His children helped, but someone more reliable was used.

Every afternoon after school, I would put on the TV towards suppertime and there was Howdy Doody. I wasn't the only one watching Howdy, no, Grandpa was too! Howdy Doody! Yes that’s right, Howdy Doody, that puppet with the freckles, you were probably a fan if you are over 65.

Why? Because Howdy spoke to children uncomplicated and directly, what anyone needs to learn a language.

One day I asked Dad when I was about 7 years of age, why Grandpa didn’t speak much English.

Dad: “Well, we will go over there around 4:00 tomorrow afternoon, and you will meet his teacher.”
The next day off we went to visit Grandpa and his teacher. There sat Grandpa on his kitchen chair, legs crossed and arms folded to the sounds of: It’s Howdy Doody time, it’s Howdy Doody time, its time to start to show, so kids let’s go!





Friday, October 09, 2015

WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?


The clan had begun to settle in when sleeping arrangements were put together.  Our visit to Connecticut was going as expected, Dad was not letting us down. Mom and Dad would have a bedroom and everyone else found a mattress or a cot or a couch or just the hardness of the floor. (You can fall asleep eventually)

The bedroom Mom and Dad shared was one of a few, but the only one that the group could use, there were some young ladies who lived on the campus and occupied the back bedrooms, who we expected to return to their rooms for the evening. It was Spring break so the space was available for a week.

Dad was not happy about the arrangement because he had to be careful that he didn’t embarrass himself, my mother or the young ladies returning to the dorm.

Once again, Dad was primed.

Dad slept in his shorts, so he was very conscious of anyone seeing him. We ALL had to pass through the bedroom to get to where we were sleeping!

I went in first, and knocked, Dad jumped into the bed and fell out.

“Manugia giuliala manugia! Why didn’t you tell us you were coming?

I knocked Dad!” 

My brother-in-law knocks-Boom, Dad hits his head on the bedpost as he dives once more. At this point everyone who can’t see is wondering what is going on. Dad is now furious, “Why didn’t we get some rooms Va Napolie?”

Mom: “because you were too cheap Anthony, remember?”

Dad gets out of the bed in his shorts to fix the mattress that had slid slightly off the bed with Mom in it. As he is leaning over the foot of the bed, in his shorts, the door opens unannounced: the two girls were home, heading to their respective rooms!

There stood Dad, in his shorts, a bump on his forehead and a mortified look on his face, ready with the customary mixture of Italian/American swear words.

The girls look at Dad, stare forward and rush into their rooms. By now everyone comes running into Mom and Dad’s room.

Someone says: “WHAT HAPPENED, WE HEARD A BANG! WHAT’S GOING ON?”

Dad: “Fongoola, I’ll tell you what happened, get me outta this goddamned place, that’s what happened!

Mom relates the whole experience as she saw it, laughing while trying not to, and now the whole place is in hysterics, maybe the whole campus.

As you know, the next day was his best work yet!

OPERATING A WATER FAUCET


As I said, Dad was a terrible traveler, everything got in his way, including me.

One morning I awake and see my brother-in-law in the kitchen having a cup of coffee. We start laughing about Dad on the Ferry and something that happened the night before, which I will get to tomorrow.

The kitchen is rather old-fashioned and antiquated, that is except the faucet, which has a state of the art lever on the sink, no knobs, you just lean the lever one way or the other and you get hot or cold water.

On the table is a sugar bowl, without any sugar in it sitting, waiting for Dad.

In comes Dad from an interesting sleep. We are laughing at him and he is not particularly amused, but we are.

He sits down and lights a cigarette, and my brother-in-law says to him: “Dad, I don’t think the people who rented us the place want any smoking in the house!”

“OOOOOUUUU!!!” Says Dad, as only he can say it, and begins to grind out the cigarette in the sugar bowl!

Mom comes walking through the door and sees him as he is in the midst of the grind and yells: “ANTHONY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THAT SUGAR BOWL!!!!????”

“OOOOOUUUU!!!” Says Dad once again.

By now both my brother-in-law and myself are uncontrollably laughing, holding our stomachs and almost crying, and I’m getting a headache from it all.

“Come on, what’s so funny?” says Dad annoyed.

Mom suggests: “Anthony, you better clean that sugar bowl!”

Dad jumps and runs to the sink with the bowl, and stops in his tracks.

“What the Hell is this?” he says.

Me: “It’s the faucet.”

He touches it but nothing happens.

“How’s it work?” he intones.

Me: “You have to turn it in a circle, the lever, turn it in a circle.

He turns it and nothing happens.

Me: “Faster!”

He’s going at it full speed, nothing is happening.

Me: “NO! The OTHER WAY!”

He turns it the other way, fast and still, no water.

My mother in disgust gets up and takes the sugar bowl form him and turns on the tap and cleans the bowl. My brother-in-law and me are at the point where we can’t even breathe anymore.

Mom is smiling and Dad has this sheepish look on his face.

Mom: “Anthony, do you want a cup of coffee?”

“Yes, but keep it away from those two.

TOMORROW: WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?

COLUMBUS HE WASN’T


Fourteen hundred and ninety two,
 Three ships sailed out to sea
The Nina and the Pinta and the Santa Marie
And as they sailed the stormy seas
That mad historic day,
From way up in the crow’s nest
You could hear Luigi say:

Please Mr. Columbus turna the ship around
Take me back I wanna feel my two feet on the ground.
Whya you tella Isabella that the world is round?
Please Mr. Columbus, turna the ship around.

Dad was not a good traveler. If you took him out of his element, mainly his chair and TV, and took him with you on a journey, all sorts of bad things happened to him and his fellow travelers. It didn’t help that he had a rotten son to exacerbate the situation for some laughs.

Before any trip was planned, we often discussed leaving in the middle of the night, tiptoeing out of the house and leaving a note. The note would say something like:

‘Dear Dad,
Went to an all night diner, will be back soon.
Love,
Mom and kids.’

This was not a good idea since once lunch time rolled around, he would be looking for Mom to make him lunch!

One year in the early spring of 1969, we had to go to Connecticut for some reason and were staying in a campus dorm of a few rooms I believe. There were about 7 of us not counting the bride and groom. The bride and groom who would get married that July made arrangements with a college for us to share this apartment.

We sailed from Port Jefferson to Bridgeport, and if you know the state of Connecticut, it has a rather large Polish population. We discussed the idea of wearing Kielbasa around our necks to get by customs, then they would see us and say: “OK, you can come in, you’re one of us!” Being how one of the 7 was Polish and the new member, the groom was also Polish, we started to make our version of Polish jokes. Nothing nasty, just things like I just mentioned.

Once the ferry left its berth and started the pleasant journey across the Long Island Sound things started to go wrong.

Dad: “I have to use the rest room, Joseph, where’s the rest room?

Having never been on the ferry before and being we were on the stern of the ship, I pointed over my shoulder figuring, how off could I be? Mom, having known Dad for a while, suggested I go with him so he doesn’t get lost. I was the blind seeing-eye dog! We search the ship and find the rest room, a coed establishment with a lock on the door. It had two stalls and so we entered the unlocked room. As I look down I see a ladies shoe, just as Dad pulls open the stall where to his and my great surprise sits a lady! This was not an ordinary lady but one I knew! A somewhat dignified woman who worked in the school office when I was a child and I knew the whole family! She was calmly until that point, doing what she does best in similar situations, but privately. Dad overcome by the shock says what he says best in these familiar situations all to often: “OOOPS!”

Now I’m rolling out of the restroom in hysterics, my mother is looking at me in fear as I stagger back to the stern of the ship.

“WHAT HAPPENED?? WHERE IS YOUR FATHER? DID HE FALL OVERBOARD???
(That’s another story to come)

“No Ma, better! I start to tell her when Dad shows up, totally in disarray and says:
“Fongoola, the goddamned stall is occupied, is there any other restrooms on this boat fer Christ sakes?”

Tomorrow: How to operate a water faucet.

THE STAIN NEVER GOES AWAY


Many years ago while sitting at his kitchen table on a visit, Dad told me a story. It seems that the mob was in the newspaper that day and Dad put down his coffee and pushed the newspaper away looking up in disgust. “The stain never goes away!”

It seems during the depression Grandma was running a successful restaurant. It wasn’t your peas and carrots type, but all the Neapolitan dishes that were so ingrained in Grandma’s makeup. It thrived in spite of the depression and she had a steady clientele.  Pizza orders were taken on the phone, and Dad would deliver them. He lived off the tips and did well.

One day a man came to see Grandma and asked about an empty apartment she had for rent upstairs over the restaurant. A deal was worked out and Grandma started to receive rent every month in cash. There was a steady flow of traffic up and down the steps and Grandma didn’t pay much attention to it.

According to Dad, one afternoon the phone rang and someone ordered a pizza, the address was directly upstairs, an easy tip for Dad. Taking the pizza order upstairs Dad arrived in the midst of an argument between two men, one sitting in a chair and one standing over him. There were other men apparently standing around watching the discussion, when suddenly, the standing man picked up a glass ketchup bottle and came down hard with it on the man sittings head! The bottle broke!

Dad being young got scared and left the pizza on the table without collecting any money and ran downstairs and told Grandma. “Il Mafioso!” Grandma exclaimed.

Within days, Grandma had closed the business and put the building up for sale.

It is taking years for the stain to go away. Unfairly people call Italians gangsters because of a few rotten apples. But if you look at the total picture, you see the wonderful strides these people have made, to cleanse the fabric of prejudice and prove the greatness of our race.

Every time I see an Italian American do something wonderful, be it a doctor, nurse teacher or even politician, my chest swells with pride. They by their dedication dispel the myth of the label forced on us because of our own kind.

“I NEVAH SEE A HIM BEFORE INA MY LIFE!”


Grandma Frances had rules. One of her rules was to listen to what she had to say, or else. It wasn’t hard, what was hard was the ‘Or else’!

One Easter Sunday “Pasqua Domenica” as it is called by all Italians, probably a bigger holiday in Italy than Christmas, many years ago, as I visited Grandma’s house for that special day, something happened that reminded me years later to always listen to my wife.

It seems that the whole family, from Hull Street in Bushwick, Coney Island’s Cropsey Avenue and the families from Norton Street in Patchogue, LI, NY all gathered at 2118 Fulton Street in Brooklyn, The East New York section of Brooklyn for the holiday. Grandma was cooking and her daughters and daughter-in-laws were all helping in the preparation. I in my Sunday best looked forward to seeing my cousins and so anticipation was running high.

Whenever you entered Grandma’s house, she greeted you with a lot of fuss, even though you just saw her the day before. You had gotten bigger from the day before, were still too skinny and needed to eat and so you got fed on an emergency basis, even though you still were a little full from breakfast. Present your cheeks front and center so she could squeeze them, all part of the greeting by Grandma.

Grandpa on the other hand, did what every good Italian grandfather did on Sunday morning religiously: play pinnacle next door at the Republican Club with the neighborhood local gentry of Italian persuasion. These games occurred in a small store front with maybe 4 to 6 tables of 4 players each, a picture of Garibaldi hanging on a wall that faced you when you entered the room from the street, a small bar and thick acrid smoke from the DiNapoli cigars, cigarettes and sitting on the tables were small demitasse cups filled, or shot glasses under the shadow of Italian liquor bottles, half empty. It is here that the story takes a turn.

As the morning wore on, and both family and friends arrived, it was getting time for dinner. Grandma was about to throw about three lbs. of spaghetti in the huge boiling pot of water as she tossed in a palm full of salt.

“Joe Joe, agoa next store anda geta Grandpa, tella him to comea homea to eat!”
Off I go next door and enter the den of Italian grandfatherhood and go over to Grandpa. “Grandpa, Grandma says to come home, it is time for dinner!”
Grandpa replied: “Ho kay, I’ma come.”

I return and tell Grandma. 10 minutes go by and the pot has started to gain some steam. “AJoe Joe, you tella grandpa?” “I told him and he said he’d come.”
Wella tella him again.”

Off I go once more, arriving out of breath up to Grandpa’s table and make the announcement once again. “Ho kay, I’ma come.” Says Grandpa again.
I report back to grandma, as she is pouring the spaghetti into the pot that can cook a cow standing up. Ten minutes later still no grandpa. Grandma is mad. “Sonnamabitcha!” She marches to the black phone in her bedroom and makes a call.
Dad asks if she called Grandpa. Grandma says: “Justa you watcha”

Out she goes to the street, standing there in her apron with wooden spoon, and flowered silk dress for Pasqua Domenica, her arms folded waiting. I think, “What is Grandma going to do, hit him on his head when he comes out of the Republican club?”

Suddenly, a Police van arrives, and raid the Republican club. Out they come, all single file and Grandpa in the middle of the line, heading to the paddy wagon. As he heads toward the van his grey fedora cocked on his head he looks up, and with hope in his eyes says: “Francesca, tell them who I am!” his hands pleading prayer like.

Without missing a beat, she announces to the arresting police officer:
“I NEVAH SEE A HIM BEFORE INA MY LIFE!”

Sunday, October 04, 2015

SOMETHING LURKS!

My grandparents had a cellar, an interesting place as any I’ve known in my life. Down in this cellar was a treasure of antiquity and mystery, history and tradition, as ever there was in any such a place. The cellar ran the length and width of the house, and it was broken into three main sections. There was the majority of the cellar, and two small separate rooms, one housing a wine press and one for canning.

It had just 2 overhead exposed light bulbs with string hanging from them to pull on and off the light. The floors, cast in cement offered no comfort or welcome, as did the surrounding atmosphere of darkness and mystery.

As you entered the cellar from the long hallway that had this almost visible portrait of a devil from the harsh paint strokes that dried on the outer door, (It was my imagination) telling you to tread cautiously and don’t wake up the demons you descended the steps and immediately things started to happen. You came to an old Victrola, with the dog looking into the sound system: “His Masters Voice.” label on the grammar phone or speaker with the big knob-like needle holder that you manually placed on a record. On the sides it had moveable slats that looked like large vents to direct the music.

As you moved past the Victrola, there was a free standing room with doors making up the walls of this room, and I wondered if my grandfather kept a monster in the room, as I gently pressed my ears against one of the doors. I would hear these noises coming out of it and would back away, my knees shaking and the urge was to run. (It was the furnace!)

There were used oxygen tanks from before the war and after, when Dad made glass novelties and other things that had an interest to me, but the thing I always went to look at was, my grandfather Joseph, fresh off the boat when the picture was taken. He is in a black pressed suit, black bow-tie, a stiff starched shirt and black shiny shoes, topped off with a boutonnière on his lapel. This picture amazed me as it had him standing in front of this grayish background from a almost Draconian set, next to a table that stood on three legs, as it was a small table. The picture must have been about 30’ x 40”, and although I was named after him, I never met him. His sharp black moustache trimmed to a pencil thickness dominated his face, and his eyes seemed to tell so many mystic stories. Here was the cradle of American life born from the “other side.”

There were two long factory tables, probably where all the glass novelties were placed and sorted before being shipped to customers. Flags, American in kind stood in one corner of the room and pictures of haunting poses of saints occupied the other walls, and as you walked the length of the cellar you could almost hear the echo of days past, each object with its own tale to tell.

Then there was Grandmas gas stove and the wonderful steaks she would make on it. She had what best can be described as an iron wired contraption with a long handle that you lifted to place a steak in, you closed the handle and placed the steak on one of the burners and there you roasted or bar-b-q the steak, leaving a mouth-watering smell that drove you crazy if you were in the least bit hungry!

The canning room had shelves lining it, with jar after jar of tomatoes, eggplant and other canned delights that once extracted from the darkness of its home and placed on the plate created all the sunlight you needed in your life.

When Grandma cooked, she reduced things down to the simplest of terms, she cut her garlic over the pan, she tossed her spices by the pinches and stirred her magic to perfection and completion, leaving the diner totally satisfied. When the canning room came alive, while processing the tomatoes in particular, there were flies everywhere, but grandpa rigged a big fan that kept them out of the room.

Oh I would give anything to once again see my grandparents, to feel the special love that came from them, in their zest for life, their kindness and generosity, their love of food and family, because it was family and love that fueled the engine they drove.

I cannot cry that I miss them, but laugh at the memories and take comfort in their lives touching mine.

So what lurked in that cellar?

Love.

Saturday, October 03, 2015

“EH! DON'T AWORRY, BE AHAPPY!”

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Finding interesting people in life is a great gift from the Almighty. I don’t always find them within the family but sometimes outside that realm.


There was Uncle Zio Felice, Zia Madelena, my grandmother and the list can go on. Characters each one with a loveable Italian accent when they spoke English or at least tried.

If you went into the Italian neighborhoods, you would meet them standing and sitting outside their apartment buildings, shouting greetings in both Italian and broken English, with a smile on their eyes.

There was Pop who sat on his chair in his small front yard in a sleeveless undershirt and brown slippers, watching the world go by, there was Sloppy John the vegetable stand owner who hated little kids, with me on the top of the list.

A couple lived across the street from my family on the top floor, three stories up. All day long they sat by the window in the summer, arms folded leaning on the windowsill. The kids on the block called them the ‘Lamp Shades’ because they were a pair and seemed somewhat nosey.

It was decided that we kids would play a trick on the Lampshades, and staged a fight that must have convinced the two to come down and break it up. That being the idea, once ran down to stop this bogus fight, we would all be gone by the time they hit the streets.

A pizzeria nearby my home employs an interesting character that comes to mind, straight off the boat. Born in Calabria, when you enter the shop, there he is behind the counter taking and giving orders of food, taking payments and lending a wonderful air of happiness to the process, arrayed in his T-shirt and white apron.  Customers stand in line and unlike the ‘Soap Nazi’ on the Jerry Seinfeld show of the 90’s: Carlo is affable and gregarious. A smile brightens his mischievous face, his voice loud and yet he is graceful in demeanor.

One day I entered after phoning in my order, which was somewhat complicated. I told him who I was and he put out about three brown paper bags. Concerned that everything was correct, I started to ask quick short questions of the order. He looked at me from behind the counter and said:

“EH! Don’ta worry, be ahappy!”

He could have given me Chinese food by mistake, and I would be happy!

And so my friends: “EH! Don’ta worry, be ahappy!”

Friday, October 02, 2015

SUUUSSSSHHHH, DON’T TELL GRANDMA!

Grandma was a remarkable woman: she had the spirit of America in all her Italian genes. She was brave, coming to America at the age of 15 without speaking English, she was enterprising, owning a restaurant, a fruit and vegetable stand and four apartments and a home on Long Island that she rented to 2 families since it was a duplex. Oh, she also had a day job in a clothing factory and at night sewed buttons of coats to make extra money.
She was the matriarch in a real sense, everyone was afraid of her! She raised my father, two aunts and another son, plus a niece who came to America as a teenager. Her first husband, my real grandfather died when the youngest child was born from Spanish Flu!
The cousin smoked, but you couldn’t tell Zia Francesca, she wouldn’t approve; WOMEN DON’T SMOKE! So the big dummies would go into the back bedroom and smoke out of sight.
Then there was the issue of interfaith marriage. You think gay marriage is an issue; my oldest cousin had the audacity to marry a Lutheran! Yes, a Lutheran!!! This sent shock waves up and down the family tree: dead aunts and uncles were climbing out of their graves, coming to America to protest the Protestant! DON’T TELL ZIA FRANCESCA!!!
Then of course there was THE Divorcé! Sin of sins, someone had a divorce, breaking the tenets of the Holy Roman Catholic Church??? No, what they imagined Zia Francesca would think.
Finally it all came out, the whole ugly business, smoking, Protestants AND divorce! They decided they couldn’t handle all this pressure, and their husbands advised them to come clean with Zia Francesca. They sat her down at the head of her kitchen table one day. In Italian they told her: “Ma, we have a few things you need to be told, we can’t hide this any more.”
From what I hear, Grandma sat there and asked a question; "is this about you “signore della sera” smoking in the back bedroom? YOU KNOW I CAN SMELL IT, BUT GO AHEAD, KILL YOURSELVES!
“Well Ma, my daughter is marrying a non-Catholic!”
“And? Times have changed, this is America and besides, Sonny is a nice boy.”
“Ma, my daughter got a divorce!” another daughter spoke up.
“Good I didn’t like that bastard anyway!”
That was Grandma, miles ahead of her children.