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Monday, November 28, 2016

OHMYGOD!

Catchy, isn't it?

Life is filled with clichés, mindless, thoughtless, void of originality. It bothers me, why, because none of it is truly felt. "OHMYGOD!" usually uttered by some mindless little girl who hasn't called on God all week other than to say: "OHMYGOD!" Dialect-wise: "OHMYGAWD!" is another form of mindlessness. There is, of course, the more-sincerer minded mindless utterance such as:
"OH…   MY…   GOD!" uttered while holding one's hand flat across the chest. This is followed by a contrived laugh.

You say: "NOOOO WAAAAY!" Yes, way! This term I have found to be used when one is not experiencing brain functionality, a void of coherent thought and afterthought followed up by a cogent response. This is usually heard from mannequins and other assorted dummies. My little 3-year old granddaughter has more vocabulary following circumstances of disbelief.

Someday, someone will see me (Probably not after this blog) and say: "How ya doin?" Notice I used the word: "Say" not ‘ask'. Why? Because no one gives a rat's ass how I am really doing. What would they do if I said: "Please sit down so I can tell you how I'm doing."? They would probably half look at their watch or wrist and say: "Gee, I gotta run!"

Surprise can be expressed with other words as well; ‘Holy S#!+' I assume that someone using this phrase was once a plumber at some religious institution, and has it on authority that poop can be holy!

Another beauty is always coming from some young lady earning her way through college and working a shift as a waitress. You give her your order:

Me: "I'll have a zebra steak medium rear with two-week old potatoes and rotten broccoli, butter on the side." Her response? "NOOOO PROOOOBLEM!" or "I deliberately set the table on fire because it is too dark in here." "NOOOO PROOOOBLEM!"

"NOOOO PROOOOBLEM!" is viewed as an "I'm flexible, tip me well, I love you," When I hear "NOOOO PROOOOBLEM!", I immediately wait for the problem to come up, and the fact that because she disappointed me, that tip might not be as grand as she thinks she's going to get.

Finally, there is one cliché I abhor more than any other, and its constant overuse and misuse of a word that shouldn't be used that often, because of its meaning: "Awesome." Going to the moon was ‘awesome', Mets winning the '69 World Series or the Chicago Cubs finally winning are ‘awesome'. Finding your keys, not that great a deal.

So I will drift off to nap a little and ponder why I am so grumpy. Sounds like a cool idea.

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