CALLING MARIO, THE PLUMBER!

At a recent plumbers reunion.

Like me, my house is getting older. It seems there are little patches and fixes needed to keep us afloat. Keeping afloat means the plumbing needs to be maintained.

Our downstairs bathroom sink has sprung a leak, as well as our kitchen sink, of course. TLW (The Little Woman) reported the bad news along with her arthritis and uncomfortableness with the weather to me. I usually take each complaint and file them under missing reports and hope that they will go away. Not a chance.

"I think we have a leak under the kitchen sink!" she tells me.

My first reaction is now I have to go all the way upstairs to wash my hands. Since the toilet sink is leaking I have been using the kitchen sink to wash my hands.

Now TLW and I are tough old birds, we resist all costs if possible, but once in a while, we have to give in and pay the man to do the job. Recently we had a new air-conditioner installed in our bedroom and that meant hiring the store to install it since it meant widening the hole in the wall. If they make these things any bigger we will need to take out the window and the whole bedroom wall will be one giant air conditioner!

"Joe! Put your hand under the sink and feel around the pipe, it is wet! This is bad news; it means I have to cancel the rest of my very important nap and attend to something less important. I venture over to the kitchen, put my hand on the pipe, and dammit, she's right. This means probably tomorrow's nap time will have to be overtime to make up for the lost time. (Mom always said: "If it's worth doing at all, it's worth doing right. Don't ask your father.") Mom was another nap-buster.

"Well, I think with maybe some plumber's putty we can fix it, I can do it myself.) Brave words.

"OK, I'll go out and get some!" says TLW.

I go back to business while she is out getting the putty when I was about to close a deal with Kim Bassinger when TLW interrupted the proceedings and handed me the putty.

Lifting myself reluctantly from my creative position I head for the sink. "I also got this fiberglass tape you can use if you need." She so states.

"OK, what I'll do is after I apply the putty I'll use the tape."

"Good idea!" (I have the full backing of TLW!)

I putty where she pointed to and then I take out the tape. There are instructions on how to use it and I take the time to read them. Simply stated: "Apply the tape over the area, hold in place and stretch until you come over to where you started." Simple, understandable and soon to be troublesome. As I start to apply the tape, I get instructions on how to apply the tape, step-by-step, and although it is annoying me, I ignore the annoyance and get to business. I finish the task and go back to reading the inside posted messages on my eyelids.

"Joe! I think we put it in the wrong area!"

"You sure? That is where you told me!"

"She shakes her head ‘yes'.

I go back and re-putty the area where I think the leak is and we fix it.

"Now, do you think you can fix the bathroom?"

This little project I know I can't because it requires ripping out the sink and dismantling the plumbing, something I am no longer in a mood to do and has discussed it with TLW. Of course, she asks and I must then try, after all, I am a loving husband. I fail.

"Let me try" she insists. "I'm left-handed, maybe I can get in there and do it. She tries.

"We have a name for a plumber?" she inquires.

"Yes, Mario."