There’s nothing much here to brag about. We sat down to breakfast at a favorite restaurant and before the waitress even brought over our food, the phone went off, a message informing me that my daughter was admitted to the ER with another infection.
I requested that they keep me updated as we are still in California, and sure enough, they did. As I sat in the garden area of my son’s back yard, sketchpad in hand happily drawing away when once again another message, my daughter Ellen was admitted into the hospital with another case of sepsis and another UTI.
Of course, my patience is wearing thin and I want to really scream in some abandoned room in the middle of nowhere.
My biggest concern is how my daughter is feeling, how sick it must make her and how frightened she is in another strange place. Without Mom or Dad, we can’t interpret what she is feeling or wants, nor can we assist in getting her to take medications and the insertion of the needles she needs to heal.
I have to wonder what God has in mind. Is he punishing me? I don’t feel Ellen’s pain. Is he punishing Ellen? She certainly is feeling the horrific pain and discomfort of what they will be doing to her to try to heal.
I have to start wondering where God is. I’m tired of all this, not for myself but my daughter. Better it would be for me to have this pain and discomfort than Ellen, I would not mind knowing that I could lessen her anguish by getting her discomforts.
If anyone is talking to God, (Obviously, he isn’t listening to me) please tell him to stop!