I DO?

Today we are going to a family members wedding. TLW (The Little Woman), has a cousin, Jan, who as children played together. Now, one of Jan’s children is getting married! Of course, that fact alone makes her cringe. Where the heck did all this time go?
Never mind that, will I have enough time to make myself beautiful for the wedding? These all day affairs take a lot of work! I bet the wedding is a lot of work too.

My mental anguish starts with: should I have gotten a haircut? This will nag me like a jealous wife, for the whole day. This morning, while TLW was reading her newspaper I asked: “Is my blue going to weddings shirt available?” This question is usually met with disdain, since all my shirts for dress are blue. Next of course is my suit. Which suit should I wear? I don’t wear a tux anymore, because the last time I did, I was left waiting tables. So, do I wear the blue pin-stripped suit that makes me look thinner, or the charcoal grey I was saving for my funeral?

MY GOD! I need a tie, also! Here is the problem: I have way too many ties, all left over from when I worked. It may make me nuts! Stripes, or patterns, floral or solid? DO THESE PEOPLE REALIZE WHAT THEY ARE PUTTING ME THROUGH?

Finally, there is the question of socks. I now have to go into a drawer I haven’t been in since an October wedding. I wear white socks since I retired, and don’t need colors. This is an early spring wedding. Do I wear wool or not. Being how I like to dance, wool protects the feet, insulates them. But I have a better selection in the summer wear department. What to do?

Maybe I should just go to sleep or feign a fever. No, then I will miss the cocktail hour and the dinner. Who knows, there may even be a Viennese hour. Not to mention the bar.

Maybe that is what I need right now, a consultation with a certain Mr. Jack Daniels, and his partners: Martini and Rossi.

Please remember my brother-in-law, John, and all those that need our prayers.