This time of the year is a sad culmination of the holidays for me. A time from after Thanksgiving until the 28th of January, that I must say is the hardest, cruelest, most painful time of the year in my life.
29 years ago, I buried my son. I read those last words, and I think I am reading about someone else! But no, a stark realization overcomes me that it is me who I write about.
They say time heals, that the memories fade and it gets easier. I have to wonder about that, since I remember it all, vividly. I don’t wish to burden you as a reader, but to remind you that we all have pain. It is a real part of life, just like joy is, just like a smile on a child’s face is happiness for both the smiled and the observer.
Today I will visit his grave, and then I will sit in his garden, a garden that I built with my bare hands, to always remember him by. I needed to do that for him, just him, only him. The garden is lifeless today: it is winter. But in the spring it will come alive, the tears will dry up, and all the good memories of him will come alive.
I’m lucky in a way. I have a wonderful wife that shares that pain, we feel for each other, but we will go on and laugh and tease, dance and sing like anyone else. Be careful, I like to play tricks on people, make them laugh, and so I hope you can make me laugh.
Joe,
ReplyDeleteThe following was written in 1998 by someone named Chris Collins. I find it comforting, and I hope it comforts you my friend.
"If you were once connected with someone, does it make sense that the connection is broken just because of a physical death? No, the connection stays. You may just have to listen differently. You may just have to talk differently. The truth is: the connection is never broken. It's quite impossible to break the most powerful connection in the universe. As long as you exist, the connection stays."
Jim,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing and sending that on to my brother. Beautiful!
Love you and thinking of you Joe and Ellen.
With love,
Mary Ann
A very touching post.
ReplyDeleteI was 8 years old when Joseph passed away. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of him. For such a young child, he really was a fighter.
Jim, thank you so much for that message. It really helped.
-Anthony Del Broccolo (#1 Son)
I am sure today is a very tough day for you and Ellen both. He was a beautiful little boy and he will always be a part of you. I wish i had more eloquent words, but we are thinking of you today.
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