WHAT'S TO SMILE ABOUT?

A LOT!

Just put down the newspapers, close Facebook and turn off the TV and Radio.

It seems to me I am a glutton for punishment, I can't wait to harm myself into mental anguish. I used to talk under my breath when Mom had something to say, she rid me of the habit using 8 inches of pine, one end scooped. She taught me to say it out loud and be brave for my words. I have learned to shut up and speak up, depending on what there is to say or not. But there is one other thing I learned.

Laughter is the best medicine, it shields the pain, it confiscates resentment, it borrows time to heal. Love is its helper, it tempers and eases the flow of anguish with understanding, when hate turns to anger, we need to reason with ourselves, who is our primary target to antagonize.

I love to laugh at myself, I'm probably an old coot who is blinded because he can't see himself as others do. To me, I'm in the prime of my life, to others: better get that door before the old coot dies to try to push it!

I know I've gotten old, all the young pretty girls pass me by and smile! YES! I'm that safe!

I enter a gym, in my gym shorts and sneakers, towel and drink, I'm going to push heavy weights, walk like a maniac on a treadmill, exercise, exercise, exercise, and what happens? All the young and middle-aged, along with a few oldies are holding the door open for me, giving me courtesies I never experienced before! THAT'S OLD!!!!

I now have a fear that if I go into a restaurant when my meal comes it will be cut up into little pieces so I don't choke!

I stopped going to funeral Masses, afraid that the undertaker might suggest to me: "While we're here…"

But I still have some teeth to smile with, the look at life and think to myself with my mental Turret's Syndrome every time I think something inappropriately funny to myself about someone's misfortune.

I find my best time to say something inappropriate is usually at a funeral or some solemn occasion that begs for respect and good deportment, of course, that will never happen out loud, but boy, I can't wait for the next one to come along.