Sometimes in life you need to make a decision that is hard. Sometimes the decision is one that can haunt you. Today we will put Happy, our cocker spaniel to sleep.
By 4:30 pm, we will be at the Sachem Animal hospital to do this dastardly deed to my good friend.
She was a very faithful dog to us, she was clever, not just smart, but could get you to do things you didn’t want to. She loved the family she was a big part of it, protecting us from strangers, never trusting anyone from outside the household. Yet she had an innate sense of who was important to us. There was Mom, who Happy never ever barked at, she just knew who she was. #1 Son came home twice a year, and she knew he was part of the family.
My Dad would tell me tales about his dog, Ginger, but Happy could put rings around Ginger and convince him to kiss cats.
I look at Happy after making a decision that she is better off, and I can’t look at her, the guilt swallows me whole, it carves out a large part of my inner being and I feel the emptiness. I remind myself to be a coward, and not look into her eyes when we bring her.
As Happy got more infirmed the more I thought of the final trip to the vet, that fatal day for Happy when I would make the ultimate betrayal. I have thought of the drive with her innocently sitting in the back, not knowing what would happen.
Right now I hate myself very much, I know she has growths all over her body, scales that lay hidden under her coat, big cancerous growths on her face and legs. I know it is time, she is blind and deaf but I know also she could live longer, when nature takes its course, but that would be too painful for her and all of us.
AS I write this, she is lying in the foyer, unsuspecting, keeping cool, sleeping comfortably. In 22 hours it will be over, maybe by the time you read this. Tonight I had left over chicken, which I should not give to Happy; it is bad for her anal glands. I don’t care.
Happy is about 18 years old, has lost all her ability to control her bodily functions, she can hardly walk and just barely sees, I hope she can’t see me tonight when we bring her for her one last car ride.
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8 comments:
My heart cries and goes out to all of you. But know from my own experience, you are doing the right thing as painful as it is.
Love you
I think the best time to choose to end your beloved pet's life is when she tells you she's tired of trying and ready to go. Dogs will actually try to "hold on" for someone they love even if they are ready to die. It sounds like you are doing everything you can to make her end days as comfortable and meaningful as you can..prayers to all of you
Having had to make the same decision as you many times it doesn't make it any easier. Happy had a wonderful life with a family that loved her like
a family member and she will never be forgotten. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Princess Pat
So sorry. Just reading the blog today brpught to mind the memories of our 2 dogs and having to put them to sleep. We just held each other and cried afterwards. I'll be thinking of all of you today. Bye, Happy.
SS-I-L
So sorry. There are no words of comfort. My thoughts are with you on this difficult day.
I am so sorry about Happy,going through this myself with Mindy, it is not easy to get over your best friend.
I am very sorry about the hard decision and loss you will feel today. Even though it's the right thing to do, it's still painful. Hugs to you and Ellen!
So sorry to hear about you beloved pet, you did the right thing. Knowing she isn't suffering anymore should give you some comfort.
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