A QUIET LITTLE WAR

There are mothers in this world that go about their business without fanfare. They silently do not only what they have to do, waging a quiet little war of their own for their child, but it is what they want to do.

One of the things I always wanted this blogue to do is to recognize those who suffer in silence who wring their hands in sometimes-quiet despair, sometimes in frustration and sometimes in resignation. These people are real heroes to me, people who do the job, and no one takes notice enough.

There are three heroes whom I know of that I can speak. I want you know about them, because they don’t consider themselves heroes in any sense, just plain ordinary mothers.

Let’s start with the gal who most amuses me with her writing and doesn’t do enough of it. She lives in Connecticut with an equally dedicated husband named Malcolm who has this sweet little girl who is part of the Cranial Facial Association. A craniofacial disorder refers to a disorder of the face or head, and in some cases both. Mom, Laura, has raised her child Ava to embrace herself and to know that love comes in many forms. Mom and Dad have taught not only their sweet Ava that life is a blast, but also that love abounds. Ava has her mother’s out look on life and yet has her father’s patience and kindness, a truly good man who so well compliments his beautiful wife. Having the good fortune to know someone like Laura, Malcolm and Ava has given me a wonderful perspective on what goes on in batting down the unfairness in life that presents itself. Ava has a sense of humor that is highly sophisticated for such a young lady, and there is nothing that seems to get in her way, why: because Mom sets a shining bright star for Ava to follow.

Then there is an old classmate of mine who goes back more than 50 years. Michele is a talented photographer and high school classmate who spends her time in many places, East Patchogue, New York, North Carolina and Massachusetts, but her most intense time is with her daughter Nicole who suffers from Anterior Spinal Syndrome. Anterior spinal artery syndrome is an extremely rare cause of acute ischemic cord infarction in children. It is caused by hypo perfusion of the anterior spinal artery.

It seems that she is always away visiting her daughter Nicole who lives in Massachusetts, who suffers this syndrome, a beautiful women in her own right, Nichole has had her ups and downs, and all who know Michele and may not know Nicole, ride the waves of ups and downs with hope and prayer along with Michele and her husband Nick. Nick is the type of fellow that knows that you can’t change what is always, but his spirit speaks volumes as to what kind of special person HE is.

Then there is a woman called: “Hildie”. I know Hildie from my daughter’s agency, and she is a special volunteer, one who has helped run and now is in charge of running a Bingo game the agency operates every Friday night. Hildie is in her mid-eighties, and has a son with a developmental disability. Her son Michael is in his 60’s and is deteriorating fast! She is doing everything she can for her Michael. About 18 years ago Hildie lost her husband, and now has to fight a lonely battle to keep her son alive and healthy and engaged. It seems that Michael loves music, and you would find him at the Bingo games sitting quietly while mom ran the game. Michael would tell you about his DVD’s his music collection. It seemed that Hildie would spend her nights with Michael listening to the music, and on occasions dance with her son to it. She devoted her whole life to Michael.

But now the time has come where she is unable to engage Michael, he is getting on in years and he is physically deteriorating, leaving her with no other options but to place her son in a nursing home. The Agency can’t seem to find a place for him, since we are not equipped to handle his physical condition without falling out of synch with state regulations. Had Hildie tried to place her son with the agency years ago, he would have been placed as there would have been a place for him somehow, based on her devotion to the agency alone, and we as an agency would be dealing with the issues that exist today.

But these women I speak of seem to be the calm in the storm, the rock upon which family is meant to build upon, They are of different generations, two are natural birth mothers, one isn’t, but that isn’t important. What is important is that they are to their children a rock, the port in the storm, and for that matter: for the world to be admired and respected. God bless them and all the moms like them.

It is hard to see a mom worry about her child. A mom with a child with special needs or facing a physical impairment no matter whether she is married; widowed or just raising a child on her own, fights the battle by herself.

Just thought I’d mention them.