IF YOU SEE ME, GO AWAY!

I’m not being unfriendly, just giving you a friendly warning. It seems that whatever I do, or wherever I go, something happens to make me nuts.

Recently I was on a particularly busy highway, cars coming from all directions and you slow down and creep sometimes and sometimes you pick up speed. This road after a while reduces from two lanes to a single lane but always crowded. This one particular morning as I was traversing the concrete path, it was wide open when I got on! I couldn’t believe my luck! No one on the road and I was going to make great time! Just as I thought that; right in front of me was an entrance ramp to the road, and what do I see but a landscape truck with a trailer put in front of me, slowing me down to 20 mph!

Then there was the time in Boston as I was about to park in front of a hotel to register, some moron from Parcel Post cuts in front of me and parks his stupid brown delivery truck so I can’t get by!

OK, you are in the supermarket, you see me on a line, what do you do? Avoid getting behind me at all costs! Why? Because some lady has 2,000,000 items and no one was on the 12 item or less checkout, so what the Hell! She should be hung, shot and shamed, and they should charge her three times as much.

The other day I was out buying my wife a birthday card, and after a while of reading the different cards, finally picked one out, so I go to the registry in the card store, and a little old man has the young lady behind the counter in a deep trance as he is talking to her about his past, I think he was at age 4 when I got behind him. Being he was old, I didn’t want to rush him, and I wanted to be respectful, so said nothing. That didn’t stop me from wondering when his funeral would be.

Walk on a crowded street and as you look for an opening to pass, there walking ahead of you is a lady with a stroller and 50,000 of her children, all lined shoulder to shoulder, makes you want to support population control.

My wife and I go to a restaurant and get a nice quiet spot, when comes a mamma with another 50,000 brats, all loud and annoyingly restive, making me want to tie her tubes around her neck.

I know, I sound impatient, but try to remember, this all happens usually in one day’s time.