SUMMERTIME AND THE LIVING AIN’T EASY!

I love winter. Give me those cold days of freedom from all the outdoor chores and I am a happy man. The Fall is work, the Spring is work, and the Summer is the most work, and you perspire!

Every summer is filled with having to open the pool, committing it to chemical addiction, wiping down the walls, and defoliating the walls and floor. It is something to destroying a rainforest! There is dragging out the robot and switching the long pole from brush to net to brush to net and then the Pool guys come. They open the pool, then come to the door with the bill, and inform you that once again, the pool is working fine. But the look in their eyes says: Maybe next year we WILL get you for some costly repairs.

There is the grill, which needs to be cleaned of dust and any debris that may have accumulated since the fall, and of course the lawn, dealing with the landscapers and watering of the lawn. The grill, when in use in the Summer, is cause for great discomfort and I battle the heat and smoke from the cooking, that supplements the heat and humidity from the day. Smoke gets in my eyes and little bugs alight upon my being, causing me to recall Dear Old Dad once again, as I swear in Italian. These bugs attack just as the crucial moments of my culinary expertise are in their most tested mode. Unfortunately, I take great pride in my lawn, it is beautiful and a mark of distinction as I drive through the neighborhood. It is often heard as I drive: “There goes a man with a perfect lawn!”

Now the winter is like viewing a storm from a big ship. You can view the turmoil from the safety of the pilot house. On those dark and dreary afternoons, I settle into my easy chair with a cup of tea, sometimes a cordial. I turn on the movie channel and find a black and white film, preferably from the 1930’s or 40’s, and enjoy the blended atmospheres. I eat much better and like to get creative in cooking and writing and drawing things. I read books and view movies I promised myself long ago to view someday. Someday is here.

Give me a puzzle and I am amused until I finish it, be it a crossword or Sudoku or any mind challenging game or puzzle, as I look out of my den window, as the snow gently and peacefully but urgently flutters like butterflies to the ground outside. Of course, when it rains, I just lay back in my recliner and listen to the raindrops as they play a beat for me that lures me into a comatose state and think of the long gone days of my past. And in the winter, as I drive through the neighborhood, I hear the neighbors say: “See that guy, under all that snow on his lawn is a well-tailored masterpiece, it’s a shame the snow is hiding it!” Yes, I know, I’m one self-serving bastard!

Now if I were to try to do all the things I do in Winter that I do in the Summer, I would have to forego sleep, that wonderful occupation that requires one’s full attention. Like my Dad, I have mastered the art of sleep, I am as Dad said all the time, (In fact every day, maybe a few times a day): “Resting my eyes.” Truly a great man! However, I do find fault with my Summer sleeping, fighting off the heat and humidity that guarantees my misery at night.

As an old-timer, I now face arthritis as my constant partner, and every move I make is a reminder that my pal is there. My wife, the lovely TLW (The Little Woman) echoes the same sentiments as she moves about also. Getting up from a chair is a major event, best enjoyed in privacy in winter. In summer, not only do you get up, you now have to do something to aggravate the task at hand, requiring frequent stops to rest, cool off, quench a thirst and of course, to go and pee.

And the most annoying thing about summer is the little girls in the neighborhood, who go into the pool all day, and SCREAM! I want to find these little witches and give them something to scream about! OK, I SAID I was old.