Sunday, September 21, 2014


Took TLW (The Little Woman) for cataract surgery on her right eye, let me tell you, it is exhausting! Yes, I suffered greatly. She did fantastic, but she had the easy job, going into the operating room and they fix the eye, but me, I had to wait for 3 hours with a bunch of old biddies that talk too much.

TLW is the perfect patient, a doctor tells her what she has to do and she does it. No big deal, no asking for her mommy, nothing, just marches off in those short strides and gets it done. It resembles her marching down the aisle in church so many years ago, her father running to catch up to her.

Most of the people in the waiting room were over 70, and grumpy old men and noisy, chatting wives who wear too much perfume and did I say talk a lot?

When we got to where we should be, we sat down surrounded by what looked like a tryout for the Pirates of Penzance, with little band-aids over one eye!

One my right sat two elderly ladies, one of which who spoke so people on the next floor could hear her, and yapped continuously.  On my left sat TLW, and next to her were another two elderly ladies, one of which did ALL of the talking.

Soon TLW was called in and I was left to listen to them all. As I sat there, the old hag on my right left for a moment and her talk mate saw me sitting alone, and starting to look in my direction, and I would have nothing of it, shifting over to TLW’s vacated seat. The problem was I was now in earshot of how the other women liked her eye doctor, but decided to get a second opinion. I offered mine under my breath about volume and girth and it made me feel good. I know I am not being nice, but I hate to hear what other people have to say, especially when I’m not in the conversation. Go into a restaurant and on occasion you find a large group, and one or more of the morons wants to be the funny man, be loud and make the table mates get crazy with noise like I wish I would want to be sitting with them. All the while I’m hoping a crazed postal worker would show up not liking noise and put them out.

Go on a subway or train and you find someone yelling into their phones, and I want to take the phone and toss it out the window. Apparently, the old talking bat went into the operating room and continued non-stop in there too!

OK, so I am waiting out in the waiting room, trying to read something on my I-pad and there is this one woman, looked like Hiawatha’s grandmother who was waiting also. For two hours this woman got up and down off her chair and paced the room, standing over me as she did, looking toward the operating room like that would make things go faster. I started writing some poetry in my head:

“I shot an arrow in the air,
I hope it lands in her rear.”

OK I’m being nasty again, so I decide to go to the Men's room, because the ladies room would have caused a stir. When I come out, Hiawatha’s grandmother is sitting in my chair!!! I give her such an ugly look (Not hard) she jumps out of my seat and goes back to her old seat.

There was one lady who needed to go to the toilet. She was about my age and got up, went to the ladies room and found the door locked. She looked distressed and went back to her seat. After 10 minutes, she got up again and went to the ladies room with the same results, so I suggested to her to use the Men’s room and I would stand outside the door to prevent anyone from going in, it was my good deed for the day and hopefully erased all my mental bad behavior and impatience.

But the kicker was: two people who happened to become friends, who were both called in at once. As they headed toward the operating room, one was a man and one a woman, the wife of the man made them stop, posed for a picture from a cell phone before continuing in for their operation!

And that folks is how you spend three hours waiting.


Address: 1231 Taft Hwy, Signal Mountain, TN 37377
Hours: Open today · 10:00 am – 6:00 pm



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