DelBloggolo

Monday, April 16, 2018

HERE’S HOW IT’S DONE… OR ELSE!

Funny, how when we lose our parents they never really leave us. All the years of parental love and devotion came in examples and sayings that seemed embedded in us.

Mom was a teacher, while Dad was more of a demonstrator. The difference was a night and day... Mom had things to say: “The way you make your bed, is the way you sleep in it.” To this day, although I understand the context, I still can’t see it in my mind! Every morning when I make the bed, careful to fluff the pillows, keep the sheets straight and the bedspread turned neatly, everything hurts when I got up!

Dad, like I said, was a demonstrator, which I quickly learned could be to my advantage.

“OK, now here’s what you have to do. Take the brush and dab it into the can of paint, don’t jam a whole lot of paint on the brush and gently dab it along the ring and apply like this.”

Out I go, and of course, my mind would wander, rather than just do as he said and get it over with, I would start out very slow, and sweep over the same spot a few times and outcomes dads.

“Give me that brush, Fongoola!”

He then immediately paints the wall, all of it, the other three walls, the ceiling and the next-door neighbor’s whole house, inside and out, trim and all, giving me a dialogue while he demonstrates the art of house painting. “Here like this, then you gather it like this and then…”

Mom never demonstrated, she took out a wooden spoon, which insured that I would do the task right, only once and to her satisfaction. Mom said Dad never listened to her, she was right.


When Mom wanted to discipline, she used “MM Gentle Persuasion”. One would think kind, gentle prodding, perhaps with a firm attitude. No: that is what I named her wooden spoon. She used to get my cooperation or attention with the instrument. I named all her wooden spoons through the years. There was; “The MM Kind and Firm”, one of her favorites, “MM Or Else”, and the ever-present “MM De-aggregator” and of course, the “MM Terminator” which lasted for a LONG time.

You must be wondering what the ‘MM’ designation stands for. It was my want to name her spoons like the US Navy named their ships. “MM” stands for “Momma Mia’s.”

Before she passed, I thought ‘Why not present her with an “Official” golden wooden spoon; just like the one I gave her for her 75th birthday, but with a Plaque with the inscription: “To Moms everywhere. For Pasta and Obedience, as long as both are needed. The MM Gentle Persuasion II. With Love While Still In Pain, Your Favorite Son.”

I was her only son.

To the day she died, whenever she bought a new wooden spoon, she would come to my house to hit me with it, just to be sure she had quality and hadn’t lost her touch, and remind me that I was not too big or too old to get hit by her.

Some of mom’s favorite usage of the King’s English to help me get on the same page as Mom:

“WAIT, JUST WAIT UNTIL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!!!

“WAIT UNTIL YOUR FATHER GETS HOME”

“WAIT UNTIL YOU HAVE CHILDREN!”

And my favorite…
“I HOPE YOU HAVE A CHILD JUST LIKE YOU!!!”


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