Happy happens to be my dog. An American cocker spaniel, buff and white and a pain in the ass, Happy has become Bossy. Why we call her Happy I’m not ready to go into just yet, but why I’m calling her Bossy is because like all the women in my life, she is bossing me around.
My dog is a creature of habit, and demands that I stay on her schedule do what she needs me to do, and I better do it immediately if not sooner.
When Happy needs to go do her business, she trots over to the door in our den, and looks at me, with the expression in her eyes that says: “are you looking at me? WELL?” She obviously has a very loud expression. If I don’t respond, she puts her head down and with her right paw, (she’s right pawed) slaps a little bell TLW (The Little Woman) hung at the base of the door on the trim of the wall. That is our Pavlovian signal to both salivate and open the door.
At 5:00 PM she gets up from her short nap of 20 hours and starts to look at me from wherever I happen to be. Be it in the den, kitchen or my studio, she expects to be fed lettuce. This means she wants me to go to the refrigerator, and make a salad for the family, giving her the prime leafs of green from the head. If I fail to respond, she gets in my face and starts to bark at me until I do.
Every morning I like to exercise, it’s a half hour vigorous routine that I hate to interrupt. Happy likes to interrupt and make me stop so she can do her business. It is times like this that I like to choke her. Once she returns, she needs to have a reward for doing her business and disturbing me.
Disturbing me is her favorite pastime, as she will wait for me to sit in my recliner, get comfortable, or wait until I sit down to eat something to decide she needs me to get up and let her out.
Happy has found newer ways to irritate me, she will wait for me to drop off to sleep, then jump up on the bed and make me jump out of my skin, or if I happen to be in my swimming pool, she will run up and down the 36 feet or so of copping and bark until I scream at her to shut up.
If anyone wants a nice, cute cuddly dog named Happy, please let me know, and I will also throw in a 19 year old and a color TV if you act now.
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