REMOTELY SPEAKING

All hail the queen of remotes, her majesty: TLW (The Little Woman.)

The other night I got into bed to read, and sitting up in the bed was TLW, watching TV. The bed was raised and of course she was half way between watching the TV and watching the back of her eyelids.

I climbed in and reached for my book, (ONE THOUSAND AND ONE WAYS TO SHOP FOR YOUR WIFE) and decided to raise the foot of the bed to get more comfortable. I reached for the bed remote that was next to TLW, and as I did I heard a slow growl. Looking over TLW’s eyes was starting to flare and she was stirring about. Chills started to run up and down where my spine is supposed to be, and the hairs all over my body (except for the top of my head) began to stand up.

TLW has beautiful eyes, very expressive, and when she was young, her eyes used to talk to me, conveying messages of love and affection. Well they spoke to me once more as I picked up the remote, they said: “What the hell do you think you are doing? Hum?

I dropped the remote and begged for her forgiveness, groveling and pleading for one more chance at life.

P. S. She did let me raise the foot of the bed!