THE BROTH, IT IS SPOILED!

You heard the old adage: “Too many cooks spoil the broth.” Well, what about the lasagna, or steak, or even the corn? Huh?

Whenever TLW (The Little Woman) is home, and I cook, she either sits in her chair or patrols the kitchen while I cook. Her sitting in her chair is a nice experience for me: I rest. When she patrols the kitchen is where the trouble lies.

TLW: “How much oil did you use?” Looking suspicious.
Me: “Not enough!” Looking guilty.
TLW: “Did you defrost that, first?”
Me: “Yes, dear.”
TLW: “You know, you really don’t need all that much pepper.”
Me: “Why don’t you… OK.”

Of course, often when she sits down to eat, if it really tastes good, and she got up for seconds, she will start her interrogation with a simple question:
TLW: “How much oil did you use?” Looking suspicious.
Me: “Not enough!” Looking guilty.

TLW is a proponent of low-fat diets. I am a proponent of taste good diets.

TLW would like to create an on-the-spot program, similar to ‘spell-check’, calling it ‘fat-check. This is where she checks for truth content, or how much oil I used. She would like to employ a ‘Fat-police force, with secret undercover and both fat monitors and cameras that record my every move in the kitchen. Of course, one infraction of the rules and I am sent up for life at Fat-Fat prison in Ossining, NY! In this prison, you are fed low-fat bread and (believe it or not) low fat water! They play a recording on a loop, called: “How much oil did you use?”

One of the things TLW makes, and she makes everything great, is my Mom’s sauce recipe for pasta. On a given Sunday, she will whip up a batch and freeze it. She will dole it out when necessary, like when my nephew, the macaroni man comes to watch the game, or when my daughter comes home. This sauce is also made for Christmas and Easter Sunday for her Lasagna. However, she has my grandmother, who taught my Mother how to make the sauce, doing 360-degree turns from a horizontal position. Why? Because she bakes the meatballs! She doesn’t fry them! As for her sausages, they must be pork, if she slips in a turkey sausage, I will whip out my divorce papers, (just fill in the date) and we go to court! (I think she does, but I can’t prove it!) Trouble is, I can’t tell turkey from pork in a sausage! She is trying to keep me alive, so she can question me.

There is an old joke in the borsch belt that goes: “Why do married men die before their wives? Because they want to.”

And so, the cooks battle in the kitchen, avoiding the broth.

MMB (My Man Bill) is back in the hospital. I am hoping they can find the source of his problem and fix him. They had to tie him to the bed, because he was found helping the maintenance crew, instead of taking tests!

Please remember MMB and my brother-in-law, and all those that are ill.