GYM TASTIC!

Most mornings you will find me on a piece of apparatus that is designed to annoy me. It is a supplement to my heart doctor who definitely annoys me. It seems each time I go to his office, he does these three tests designed to kill me and take away my breath. The tests involve starving me and of course no coffee.

So, at the gym each morning I work on my stamina so I can pass the stress test and move on until he annoys me next year. I was told at his recent visit that if I passed I could do anything I wanted. Surprise, I plan to do it anyway!

Well, one-morning last week as I was working out, this young lady comes by and uses the same equipment next to me. This poses a problem, she is young and attractive wearing spandex and I'm concentrating on Married with Children on a small screen in front of me at 5:15 in the morning.

Now all my numbers are displayed in a monitor on the equipment so anyone going by or is near-by can read the numbers. In my mind these numbers are fine, but if this young spark is looking, then they are inadequate and need I say pathetic? She of course in her youth and spandex with the workout, while I in my cotton will crap out if the damned time isn't over soon!

Naturally, she starts and I look over at her monitor, she has already exceeded the speed of light, while I am trying to break my personal record of putting it in drive. She starts to pump hard, ever so hard and I try to keep up with her, cycle by cycle I am keeping pace, calorie by calorie we are shedding together, heart rate by heart rate we pulse, when suddenly, she put s on the gas and I see my time is up.

My moral lesson for the day: Learn to mind my own business, get over the stomach strain you just inflicted on yourself and hey, I missed Married with Children!