I CAN SMELL IT

Today was a busy day for me. I had to sign checks at the agency then do a program evaluation for a respite home for the same agency also, then go to the mall and search for a present for someone.

I decided to bring a notebook, a small pad that you flip the pages, and take notes in the different stores about the items that fit the price category I was looking for. You can get a lot of attention from the sales help by doing this style of shopping.

First you pick a Tuesday morning, then make sure the place is fairly quiet, then start to take notes. The help views you with guarded suspicion. Maybe you work for the main office, or are with the government checking on pricing, or even worst, a lawyer looking to bring a case against the store. I love it, because it makes them nervous. “Is there something I can help you with?” “Is there anything I can do for you?” “Hi there, good morning, can I help you?” I know I’m mean, but I like to have a very official inspection look on my face at all times. A little grey hair goes a long way in convincing people that you could be important.

After my fun shopping technique, I was heading toward the parking lot and was getting tinges of hunger in the pit of my stomach. Somehow I was approaching the food court, and my car was parked in the opposite direction. I was going to “See” what they had, not “Buy,” but “See.” When in situations just described, when you are on a diet, guilt will invariably accompany hunger when you are contemplating what I was contemplating. Suddenly I felt I knew what cheating on your wife is like.

I started a subconscious debate, do I “See and Get” or do I do the right thing, turn around and run for the parking lot? Closer and closer I got to the food court, guiltier and guiltier I became, smelling the good smells and thinking about the leftover from the night before awaiting me in my frig. My legs were defying my guilt, as they sped me along, faster and faster to Hirohito’s Teriyaki House and Sushi Bar. As I neared Nathan’s Frankfurter heaven, closing in on Mao’s Little Red Book of PuPu Platters. #2 Son has aptly described the world in which I was heading as “MacWorld,” the land of fast food and drink, and all the cholesterol you could possible need.

Suddenly I slammed on the breaks! No that wasn’t the Pretzel Cottage and mustard Emporium I was seeing; so I decided to turn around, go home to my boring lunch of leftovers, knowing I would feel hungry by 3 P.M., but proud of myself!