THE TV SLEUTH

Being how I am hard of hearing, and not a little - TLW (The Little Woman) always says I never listen to her. We decided to get a TV with closed caption and it has really made my world a little better when I watch the box.

As a result of the miracle of cc captioning I watch things other than baseball, football or basketball. I stay around as TLW watches: Desperate Housewives, Boston legal and Law And Order. They have quickly become my favorites and I now can solve all crimes!

If you need to know who done it, I can tell you before it even happens. Yes, I’m that good. Long before TLW is asleep (about 10 minutes into the shows) I have a reasonable sense except for Desperate Housewives of what will happen.

Here’s how it works:
TLW says: “turn on Boston Legal”, which I immediately do. I sit back and start to get involved in the antics of James Spader, Murphy Brown or Captain Kirk. I watch the development, commenting as I go along to no one in particular. About halfway through I say: “Toots, I love the way this guy acts, but he’s not the killer. Toots? TOOTS??” Her: “Snoooore.”

When the show is over, TLW will ask: “What’s on?” I say: “I don’t know, here’s the remote.” TLW takes possession of the flicker, turns on the channel guide holding the remote. As I go through the channels about 14 times I realize that maybe the reason she can’t make her mind up is that it is looking behind her eyelids that need to be open to make these kinds of decisions!

I suggest that they change the marriage vows to something like: “I promise to love honor and occasionally give up the remote.