A ROOM FULL OF NAGURSKI WOMEN

Once again, I find myself surrounded by women! This time lots of them and of all ages!

It seems I went to a meeting on volunteerism, recruiting and maintaining volunteers, and all the other representatives from different organizations, except for one other was a woman.

I’m not complaining, mind you, it’s just that I’m starting to lose my identity. The bloating and filling up with water didn’t help me.

The Association of Professional Volunteer Administrators met today at SUNY/Stony Brook Veterans Hospital to discuss the burning issues of volunteerism, and my job was to join it and learn about anything I could. My daughter’s agency asked me to start up a volunteer unit for them and build it from the ground up. I think I’ll call in sick!

Women seem to apologize a lot when they do things for some reason. “I’m sorry it takes so long, I really am NOT a computer person.” Says the lady working the laptop and overhead projector.

That would be a woman.

A man would say: “Ah, the computer is screwed up… again.”

The meeting was informative, if not agonizingly slow. I sat thinking about lunch about 10:00 am, when one of them started to eat hers in full view. Fortunately, it was egg-salad, and I hate egg salad. Now if she had a salami and provolone, well then I would have snuggled up to her to tell her how beautiful she really looked to me.

Now there are 5 bathrooms in this facility, 4 are women rooms, one men’s room, and that was the only one that was occupied longer than it should have been. Of course, I did the Mexican Hat dance, the Irish jig and Tarantella, all at once, until the bum finally came out. I felt like he was reading the New York Times in there, Sunday edition.

A man gives the presentation and kindly wakes you up after he is done, but not the ladies. After they give a presentation, we have to applaud, a polite clapping and a smile.

One lady looks like Bronco Nagurski, and dresses like Tina Turner, an ugly sight to say the least. She sits up front, facing me, and continuously crosses then uncrosses her legs, leaving scars on my retina! Why look you ask. Well, once she starts her movements, I go into a panic, my head moves uncontrollably and my eyes shift all over, in a seizure like activity, which can best be described as abject fear from seeing what cellulite presentation she has in mind.

My mother used to say: “And YOU are so beautiful?” No, Ma, I’m not, but I don’t flaunt it!

For that other man in the room, they led him out with help, guiding him to the curb outside where they had to call a cab to send him back to his office. If you are wondering what happened to him, he looked too hard at Ms. Nagurski.