CONSPIRACIES, TOILET PAPER AND OLD ADAGES

There is a conspiracy going on under my nose and it involves toilet paper. Yes, those little rolled 2-ply white squares we all love so dearly is part of a plot to make me nuts.

There is a raging debate out there about how the roll should hang. Does it hang from the front of the roll or from (ahmmm) behind. Now I know we all have an opinion on which way to hang and in my family someone is expressing that preference.

I am usually the person in charge of providing the rolls and seeing that there is a backup roll (ahmmmm) behind it. By all rights granted in the marriage license, I should be able to determine if it is outer or (ahmmm) behind. I don’t ask for much, just that the toilet paper hangs right. I know it is right because while I read a newspaper, I notice it more convenient to rip off one-handed with the overhang.

But lately, I go in and when I reach for the paper, IT IS BACKWARDS! I correct it, comeback the next time, it is wrong once again!

But it doesn’t end there! No, there is more going on. I am also the one that usually goes into the garage where we store the paper that is purchased in large numbers and packaged and sold. So there should be a large package of rolls there. I go into the garage recently and I don’t find any.

“Toots, when you go to Costco get toilet paper, I just took the last two rolls!”

“Are you sure??? I thought I just did recently!”

“Amazing how time flies when you are having fun!”

She gets up and comes out with a new unopened package! She must have been hiding it and was waiting for the opportunity, so she can have me declared insane, find a young stud and go discoing every Saturday night!

Mom had a few things to say when she asked her kids to get something and they said there was none. She would get it herself and announce: “None are so blind as they that will not see” (Probably Corinthians), or her favorite: “IF IT WERE A SNAKE IT WOULD HAVE BIT YA!” (Definitely Granma Mary)