THE BATTLE OF THE SAINTS

Or was I named correctly?

The mothers of yesteryear, TLW’s (The Little Woman’s) and mine and I’m sure many Christian mothers all over the globe subscribed to the theory that saints could do stuff because they were the link to God.

St. Antnee of Brooklyn

You have St. Anthony, the saint for lost causes, if you lose something, like your car keys or sandwich, you got down on your knees and prayed until someone handed you the car keys. No one would hand you a sandwich, that would be gone forever.

Hurting, lonely or in need? You just dropped on those knees and called out to St. Jude. He would get you over the pain, especially in your knees from waiting for St. Anthony to find the car keys. The Beatles popularized him in the 60’s if you remember.

Now St. Joseph and his cousin from Cupertino carry most of the load. They are responsible for a lot. So much so that God needed 2 St. Josephs! All you air travelers, go pray to St. Joe of Cupertino, an astronaut? Go to Joe of Cupertino. Need to be a carpenter and you didn’t measure twice to cut once? Pray to St. Joseph.

Is your little pooch hurting, needs love, and a scooper? St. Francis of Assisi is your saint. Nice prayer and music to go along with the peace and serenity you may need in your life.

I myself have witnessed the miracle take place right before my eyes. (all four)

St. TLW of East Islip

OK, this is a stretch

TLW related to me how she was made to kneel along with her three sibs, in front of the couch to pray for something lost, and would invoke the influence of St. Anthony of Padua to maybe put in a good word with God. It was the Friday night before our flight to Phoenix, when TLW (The Little Woman) informs me that #2 Son is missing his wallet! “What are we going to do, he needs his license to get by security at the airline. All his photo ID is in his wallet.” Being a man of calm and cool collection, I suggested we kill him and then since we have our ID, just the two of us would go.

TLW after some inner debate decided that that would be impossible, since we would need time to fool the forensic experts, and besides, it could be messy.

Being a saintly woman, she turned to me and says: “I am going to do what my Mother made us do when we needed something to be found. She would make us get down on our knees and pray to St. Anthony. That is what I am going to do, and don’t you say a word.”

Being how TLW has a sharp pointy finger when she uses it on me, I immediately did my part and lowered the TV. After all, I didn’t want to interfere with prayerful intervention by both St. Anthony and the Holy Mother TLW.

Down on both knees she went, hands clasps, and head in a prayerful mode. Silence overcame the household, a peacefulness and calm, as TLW head bowed like a little schoolgirl in her white Communion dress prayed. Arising from her deep prayer and meditation, she announced in my direction that she would now begin the process of seeking the wallet.

After 2 minutes or less, she came marching down the stairway and into the den, wallet waved high, announcing: “Don’t you or your two sons ever make fun of ME, when it comes to St. Anthony, or my religiousness.”

Today I am a believer.