Dazza is driving over the Brooklyn Bridge one day, when He
sees His Girlfriend Shazza about to throw herself off.
Dazza slams on the brakes and yells, "Shazza what in the Blazes d'ya think ya doin'?"
sees His Girlfriend Shazza about to throw herself off.
Dazza slams on the brakes and yells, "Shazza what in the Blazes d'ya think ya doin'?"
Shazza turns around with a tear in her eye and says,
"G'Bye, Dazza. You got me pregnant, so now I'm gunna kill meself".
Dazza gets a lump in his throat when he hears this.
"Shazza", he says "Fair dinkum love, not only are ya a top root, but
you're a real sport too!" and drives off
Spending a lot of time with TLW (The Little Woman) has led
to certain anticipation and understanding from both of us, as she heals from
her recent ruptured Achilles tendon. The problem is we are communicating.
For instance, since she became a cripple, albeit on a
short-term basis, she has decided to take on things that she shouldn’t be
doing. Recently we went to rehab and then we had to run some errands. Normally
I would go into the store and she would wait in the car. The reason being that
she hurts if she stands too much because she is uneven. Now don’t get me wrong,
mentally I think she is balanced, but when she stands, she is uneven, because
her boot that protects her bad foot is higher than her shoe on her other foot.
And the conversations are getting complicated. Once I needed
distilled water for my CPAP machine. She decided she would go into the drug
store to pick up her prescription and pick up a gallon of the water.
Her: “Now what kind of water do you need?”
“Distilled water”
Her: “Distilled water, gotcha.”
“Remember: distilled water runs deep.”
Her: “DISTILLED water runs deep”.
We stop at another store and we park in a parking space that
is handicapped.
“This is a handicapped space!”
Her: “Well right now I am handicapped and you are staying in
the car, if anyone shows up handicapped, just give them the space.”
Suddenly this guy pulls up to the curb next to the entrance
and she says:
“You should do like that lazy sun of a gun!”
Into the store she limps, dragging her booted foot, just like
Bigfoot rambling through the forest! I’m thinking if anyone sees this, they
will think: WHAT KIND OF A lazy S.O.B. HUSBAND LETS HIS WIFE HOBBLE INTO A
STORE WHILE HE SITS IN THE CAR COMFORTABLY?
The lazy sun of a gun leaves and I decide to pull up in his
spot so TLW doesn’t have to struggle. Suddenly the door opens and she is coming,
carrying her purchases and says as she opens the door: “I was looking for the
car and saw this other car here, thinking another lazy sun of a gun pulled up!”
Anticipation is everything in a marriage: you have to know
when to duck, when to keep your mouth shut and when to do something. It helps
to do something out of the ordinary that brings happiness to the other side of
the equation. In TLW’s case, tea is big. You have tea over everything, with
lunch, and afternoons, you better be loaded with tea bags for TLW. On hot
summer days when we eat lunch, I’m hankering for a cold brew and we get hot
tea. Yearning for the nice cup of coffee? Tea it is, I guess it is that Irish
pallet of hers that tea is so important. So what do I do, every now and then I
put on the tea kettle and do it without her asking, set up the cups and pour,
even providing the milk! She has gone from surprised happiness to taking it in
stride. I’m thinking along the lines of maybe Irish whiskey.
LOOKING FOR GREAT GIFT IDEAS FOR YOUR CHILDREN OR GRANDCHILDREN?
Address: 1231 Taft Hwy, Signal
Mountain, TN 37377
Phone:(423) 886-6943
Hours: Open today · 10:00 am – 6:00 pm
DO YOU WATCH THE BIG
BANG THEORY?
You should, my grandpa Joe gets a kick out of it!
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