DelBloggolo: RETRIED AND RETIRED

Friday, March 13, 2015

RETRIED AND RETIRED

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Working people frequently ask me as I’m retired what I do to make my days interesting.

Well, the other day I went into town and went into a shop. I was only in there for about five minutes.

When I came out, there was a policeman writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, 'Come on sir, how about giving a pensioner a break?'

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a fascist bastard. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a total piss head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. I continued to call him every name under the sun, and he just kept writing those tickets...

This went on for about 20 minutes, and then my bus arrived.

It’s a wonderful world. You retire from what you did so you can retry what you did. You don’t get away from it even though you want to get away from it. So what happens when you do get away from it? You do it all over again.

So for amusement, I like to spend my time doing things that are not necessarily nice. For instance the other day I was in the Supermarket, and there was this rotten kid sitting in the cart while his mother was reading a label on a can of corn, screaming his bloody lungs off! I wondered what could be so interesting about a can of corn? I mean you should know enough about it that you don’t need to read about it. It comes from the farm on a cob, is striped and put into cans, and it is little yellow cornels when it reaches the can and, it is not the last time you see it after you eat it, if you check your stool afterward. Sorry.

Anyway this kid is screaming and mamma is reading and I am getting annoyed, so I stick out my tongue at him and he immediately raises the pitch and volume, causing me to get out of that aisle before the little monkey tells his mother on me. This is of course childish behavior, but he is a kid.

Once there was a little girl, in the same situation in a supermarket, this one was holding a balloon, and just looked like a brat. Mamma was busy yakking so I snatched the kid’s balloon but gave it right back immediately if not sooner, well; she let the world know about that, as I quickly left the scene.

I believe your time should be spent productively, even when driving, and I always try to put mine to good use. One cold winter’s day, late afternoon, I was at a red light behind a school bus with look like a bunch of second or third graders staring at me out the back door of the bus. As they looked, I looked back. They started to say something at me while laughing so I stuck my tongue out at them, they immediately became rowdy as we pulled away and I wiggled my fingers at them while I pressed my thumb to my nose. I though, now it's the bus drivers problem.

It is not only children I do these things to, there was the incident in the auto discount store a while back, this moron was shopping with a cart filled with stuff and he was blocking the aisle so it was impossible to get by. I asked politely if he could push his cart a little more toward the right or left and he gave me an annoyed look before doing it. As he turned his nose back to what he was looking for, I placed a set of wipers in his cart, would have loved to see the look on his face when he discovered them. Hopefully it was at the checkout counter.

So on occasion I do what I did professionally, and on occasion I like the joy of retirement of not knowing what I will do next.